By DeeDee
My husband and I read all sorts of parenting books before our first daughter, Emme, was born. We were so knowledgeable that we counted ourselves “experts” in the field of child raising, even before the first diaper change. We looked down our noses at other parents with uncontrollable children in public places, wagging our heads knowingly. That will never be us.
Before anyone was allowed to touch our bundle of joy, they had to be sanitized from head to toe. Soap wasn’t good enough, it had to be antibacterial soap. And wash for a full two minutes please. If she dropped her binky on the floor, it was burned. Television? I think not. We read articles that told us not to allow our baby to even look at the TV until at least two years of age.
We made it to 10 months. At 9 months, 29 days, we were in Target, chucking videos into our shopping cart, muttering things like, “she’ll love this”, “this’ll work”, “please Lord, let this do the trick.”
Also, by this point, binkys littered the floor. We simply implemented the “5 second rule.” She would eat nothing from her highchair tray, but if she found a tasty morsel on the ground, it was irresistible. At dinnertime, we took to nonchalantly throwing food onto the floor just so she would eat. Don’t judge me.
We’re on child # 3 now. The inmates outnumber the guards in this insane asylum. “Whatever works” is our current mantra. The 5 second rule has been extended to 2 or 3 days. If it isn’t covered in hair or ants, it’s edible. And as far as watching too much TV is concerned, we’re convinced our son’s first sentence is going to be “Hi, I’m Julie Clark, founder of the Baby Einstein Company.”
As it turns out, my first baby was my easiest. I just didn’t have the good sense to realize it. Cailey provided me a few challenges, but my boy, Jensen, is really giving me a run for my money. I thank God he was last, instead of first. Just tonight, as I was loading the dishwasher, he deftly plucked a steak knife from the basket and put it in his mouth. Like a pirate. He was fine. I cried. New rule. We eat with spoons from now on.
You know the Bible says, pride goes before the fall. Well, not so long ago, I was in Target when all three of my children had a meltdown. A catastrophic one. I was horrified and shouldn’t have been surprised to learn that the woman with the two perfectly behaved children in the check-out line just ahead of us, was in the homeschool group I was joining. I shared this story with her later. She didn’t remember. At least that’s what she said.
So, for all of you parents that I once secretly scorned, I offer my most humble of apologies.
DeeDee blogs at Fiddledeedee.
I do not think you are alone! I think most of us with “inmates” have once upon a time had to rethink strategies because the inmates hadn’t read the same books we did!
Love the mental image of your steak knife eating pirate LOL.
Have a great day :)Enjoy eating your Sunday roast with a spoon!! LOL
HA HA HA! This is so funny, and so true! My hubby & I were just commenting the other day about how you should NEVER say anything about parenting before you’ve gone through it yourself! Our little guy (our first) is 10 months old, and we used to say things like, “We won’t give our kid snacks just to keep him quiet.” All I have to say to that is, “HA HA HA.” I’d better go…I think Sesame Street’s about over, and it’s time to give Jr. a snack. 🙂
This seriously gave me a good laugh… : )
Steph
I only have one – he’s going to be ten months old next week – and we learned quickly to be flexible and to do the whatver works strategy. I don’t find that the parenting books are helpful at all if you’re going to follow them word for word without any deviation because every single child is so different! What works for me may not be what the books say is good and may also work for you with some modification!
Oh the sound of familiarity. I ust give myself crdit that there are some things i stuck with like no soda and…well that might just be it….no wait….bed time no later than 9pm every night. Other than that i did exactly as you and the no tv, no dirtiness, went flying out the window by about 6 months (both my kids started walkign at 8 months and carawling at 5 months)
Oh My Goodness. Are we long lost sister’s? LOL
I can SO relate. I thought I was going to have it all together. I thought I was going to such an amazing mother. I thought I knew it all.
Amazing what a tiny little thing called a child can do to throw all that out the window huh? I too have gone back on my word with many things, and I am sure I am no where near the end learning how to be a parent. The thing is, the kid is just a kid, not “trying” to be anything, it’s us…the ADULTS, who are trying to be something we aren’t. We do our bests, and in the end will more than likely feel like a complete failure. I guess that’s what being a parent is all about. We are our own worst critics. And in the end, all we need is…love.
Jen
This is so true!
Before you have kids of your own, it’s so easy to know all the “right” ways to parent.
We’re pretty strict about TV watching and bedtime, but I have a secret…
You know what I do? I feed my daughter candy. All the time. The Perfect Mom Award is certainly going to pass me by this time.
I only have one and he is 2.5 years old and we have done pretty well about sticking to our rules that we wanted to follow. We have the rule of no soda, candy, junkfood and have stuck with it! Also we limit to an hour a day with the tv. We are also great about him being on a schedule with bedtime at 8 pm everynight. We are less anal on the weekends regarding bedtime though. He is a great kid who harldy needs a time out and that we are thankful because it lets us know we are doing a pretty good job at least.
ohmylanta! that made me laugh out loud!! so much so that my hubs had me read part of it aloud to him. our best friends had kids before us and we teased them mercilessly about being horrid parents with no discipline. believe me when I say our kids are making us pay dearly now!!!! all in good fun, of course.
Life is indeed very different on this side of the parenting fence. I look at exasperated mothers with new eyes. I don’t know what in their parenting career has made them come to whatever choice. Just like on a workday, my husband doesn’t know the history of the day that has brought me to zero whining tolerance. It feels so much better to share an understanding glance & smile than it does to cast a “why can’t you control your children” glare.
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