I Don’t Know Who He’ll Be, Except Enormously Loved


I have a thing for little boy necks and little boy shoulders. Actually I have a thing for MAN necks and MAN shoulders (well, ONE man neck and ONE pair of man shoulders, as I have narrowed down the selection over the years!), but lately I’ve been drawn to Peabody’s pint-size version of these features. And although I sometimes can’t resist a nibble or two, mostly I’m content to study the perky curve of his neck and the sturdy, straight line of his shoulders and smile to myself at God’s mastery at drawing my tiny son.

And as I watch him, playing, sleeping, curled in my lap, I wonder what he’ll be like at 6, or 16, or 46. Will his tripping toddler trot be replaced with a quick athletic stride or the slow, even gait of an intellectual in deep thought? When he puts down his cars, will he pick up a bat, a book, a paintbrush, a guitar or a pen? Will my laundry, finally bereft of white onesies and strawberry-stained bibs, spill-over with sweaty jerseys, dirty-kneed jeans or khakis and sweater vests?

When he no longer rests his head on my shoulder, who will rest a head on his? Whose tears will he wipe away with his warm hands, and whose giggle will send his heart soaring as his does mine? Will he always smile abashedly and drop his eyelashes low when he makes someone laugh? Where will he choose to live and work out his life when I’m no longer his home? Will he be his own man, exactly as he is now his own boy?

I wonder with excitement and hope and sometimes I feel I’m being weak or naive to be full of hope in a world so full of dark otherwise that I can neither predict or prevent. But to look at a boy like this, so sure of everything about himself and possessed of such undeniable charm, and cast my own doubts over him seems to deny the obvious.

Of course. He’ll be amazing. Just as he is now.

Megan also blogs at FriedOkra.

12 Responses to I Don’t Know Who He’ll Be, Except Enormously Loved
  1. Sara
    May 3, 2010 | 3:50 pm

    This is beautiful.

    I actually have a thing about shoulders too. Funny to think about and I’ll admit I do take nibbles from my sons neck. He likes the tickles and will come back for more. 🙂

  2. Hannah
    May 3, 2010 | 3:58 pm

    Lovely post, Megan. My own boy is almost 10 and won’t really let me nuzzle his neck anymore, but I still have a lot of the same thoughts. And like you, I choose to believe the best, hope the best, etc.

  3. Kelly
    May 3, 2010 | 4:01 pm

    Playing “I wonder….” is both an amazing and terrifying game. It all goes so fast. I’m still learning to treasure today.

  4. CH-Proud Mama
    May 4, 2010 | 8:02 am

    I love this post! I found myself getting misty eyed as I think of my son. You can’t help to think what he’ll be like as he gets older. But I find myself not dwelling on it because for now, I want to “be in the moment.” After all, I don’t know who he’ll be, but enormously loved.

  5. Jemma
    May 4, 2010 | 9:08 am

    Must admit to loving little boy (and man!) necks too 😉
    I’m now starting to see those changes you talk of; suddenly I have a little BOY not a baby who fills my washing basket with muddy jeans (just put a load on!) and stinky socks and who yearns to play the ukelele and drive a car!

    Your lovely toddler will be a boy before you know it, and mine will be a teenager before I know it and then we’ll both blink a couple of times and suddenly they’ll both be fully grown, and I am sure we’ll both be awfully proud of the me they have become 🙂

  6. Julie
    May 4, 2010 | 9:28 am

    I just love you and the way you write. Your posts make me stop in my tracks, go find one of my kids, and just slow down to enjoy them more….

    xoxo Julie

  7. Tanya
    May 4, 2010 | 12:30 pm

    I am blessed to still have my son living with me at his ripe old age of 21 and though there are days I am ready to see him spread his wings I treasure each and every day that I still get to be Mom. Yesterday was certainly one of those days. I was driving home from work and got a text that just said ” I love you Mom”. Once I got home I asked what was that about and his response was ” I was just thinking about you”

    So to all whose boys are still little nibble eachtime you can because they will be men soon.

  8. Niki
    May 4, 2010 | 5:37 pm

    It’s so much fun to think what our children will be like in the future. I absolutely love the picture too.

  9. Jann
    May 4, 2010 | 10:56 pm

    I used to play the “I wonder” game years ago.
    I also loved to nibble my two little son’s
    soft sweet necks. Time went by, no more
    nibbles, but I always got big hugs and still
    do. The teen years were sometimes a little
    rocky but we got through them and it was
    interesting to watch them turn into young men.
    They turned out great, much more than I could
    have imagined. Just give them lots of love
    while they are growing and teach them the
    right way to live, and bring them up in the
    ways of the Lord…you won’t regret it.
    There will be mistakes made and some unhappy
    times, but you are there to give them a good
    foundation and set them on the right path
    to follow.

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