How To Avoid That Morph Into Dragon Mommy

By Mary Ostyn

If you’re a mom, you’re familiar with the dilemma. You ask your child to clear a path so no one dies in the night put away his toys. And then you wait. The kid doesn’t budge. You repeat yourself, louder this time just in case he didn’t hear your first request. This time you get a reply, but still no movement.

As smoke starts to wisp from your ears and you begin to morph into dragon mommy, you’re faced with a dilemma. Do you give the child a few more minutes to play so as to avoid a confrontation? Do you speak again in hopes of cajoling obedience from your child? Or do you immediately step in and give him a consequence for not obeying?

Obedience: it makes a mom’s life so much easier, doesn’t it? When my child immediately does what I ask, there is a lightness in my heart. However, when obedience is not what it should be, it also causes a physical reaction within me. My voice rises, my face flushes, and I begin to wonder if there’s smoke billowing out of my ears. Not exactly my mental picture of a kind and patient momma, or a mom that a kid wants to be around.

I know that it benefits everyone when my kids obey the first time. And yet in my two decades of parenting, my follow-through has floundered from time to time. It stems partly from my mental image of a ‘good’ mom. Loving. Patient. Realistic. Grace-filled. Not a heavy-handed disciplinarian.

But allowing repetitive disobedience in my kids is not teaching them about grace. It is simply sanctioning the very behavior that I want to exterminate, which guarantees I‘ll see more of it. Kids get good at gauging mom’s tone, and waiting for smoke to billow before they budge.

But when I decide anew to expect first-time obedience, a wonderful thing happens. My kids start placing more value on my words. Granted, at first that new obedience is strictly because they want to avoid consequences like floor-scrubbing or time in the corner. But gradually the right response becomes automatic.

Which means that my words can be fewer. And kinder. And more effective.

Grace-filled.

Less like dragon mommy and more like the mom I really want to be.

Mary also blogs at Owlhaven.