you can blame a single mother.

By Cassie

If you look at the way parenting trends have changed over the last few generations it is astounding. My mother was a single mother. She was divorced when I was six and raised me mostly alone from there. I remember as a child constantly being told we could not afford things. People knew we were a single parent household and we didn’t have the money other households did. Single parenting in that era almost seemed like a burden. It was hard and single mothers were not afraid to talk about how hard it was.

I know as a single parent in 2009 I find myself going against all of the stigmas placed on singles mothers. I can afford to buy Aiden the things other children have. I can afford to have nice clothes on my back and a decent apartment. I am constantly trying to prove that I am not “just another single mother.” This is a tough stigma to fight but  I do it constantly every day.

I thought with the uprise in people wanting to be single mothers the stigmas might change. No longer would we be looked down upon. It would simply be a choice we made. Women in their forties are turning to adoption and in-vitro because they are not married but have caught baby fever. Single-motherhood has become a choice in some situations.

Still you find ladies like (this).

Please take a look at this video and give me some insight. Maybe you can understand where she is coming from with her thoughts on single-motherhood.

I was appalled.

Trying to understand.

Find Cassie blogging at MessyFunMommyLife.

27 Responses to you can blame a single mother.
  1. Ms. Single Mama
    January 16, 2009 | 11:22 am

    It is astounding isn’t it. I feel the same way. I am lucky, I can afford a lifestyle mirroring that of married families. But despite Coulter’s momentary blip on the media’s radar screen soon that book will be in the clearance bin and we’ll all still be blogging – telling the real story.

    Thanks for this!

  2. Tina
    January 16, 2009 | 3:27 pm

    She’s a windbag. I almost wish Whoopi had jumped across the table and slapped her 🙂

  3. Stephanie
    January 16, 2009 | 3:28 pm

    I’m far from even understanding what being a single parent would really be like- and just know that most of us are just doing the best we can. Circumstances happen to us all whether we’re married or not- what’s important is that our children are loved and have a good solid foundation. I have a hard time even listening to Ann Coulter- I just get the worst vibes!


  4. mamamilkers
    January 16, 2009 | 3:31 pm

    She is crazy disgusting. Can’t stand her. I couldn’t even finish watching it.

  5. Casey
    January 16, 2009 | 4:19 pm

    Ann Coulter makes money by being absurd. She can’t earn media appearances and/or sell books by doing research and telling the real story of what people are going through. She needs to put the blame on someone and she needs to say things that will get her sound clips. Personally, I wouldn’t give a second thought to a thing she says.

  6. Krista
    January 16, 2009 | 8:24 pm

    Well, I have no idea who this Ann Coulter person is or have read anything she wrote. I had a hard time watching that clip just for the sheer fact that they couldn’t have a civilized conversation! I could hardly understand what anyone was saying because they were all talking over each other (which is why I don’t watch much TV in the first place).
    I know nothing about this whole “liberal created victim” thing, but I do think there is some small nugget of truth underneath all the craziness.
    Children do better for the most part when they are part of a nuclear family. Mom and Dad together raising children.
    Obviously there are all sorts of exceptions to this (namely abuse), but I don’t think being poor really has much to do with it. I think it has more to do with the lack of a father figure and the other half of how God created families to be.
    That’s my opinion anyway.;

  7. Courtney
    January 17, 2009 | 12:09 pm

    Wow i don’t know what to say! Ann Coulter disgusts me period. I watched the view that day (as i do every day lol) and some of the other things made me just as angry. She is very ignorant in her own way. Yes some research says that single mother raise as she says “prostitutes, strippers, and inmates”, but those studies are also not counting the fact that most of those families are also low/underprivileged homes. Maybe the fact that they are underprivileged accounts for the way they turn out or maybe it is where they grew up or maybe it was the fact that they have some gene that none of us know about. The great thing about studies is that they constantly have to be redone because facts can sometimes change. She also talked about how mixed kids will always identify more with there black parent. I am the mother of 2 beautiful biracial children and i think i am raising them along with there father to see no color and i hope that one day society will not tell them they are black or white but beautiful just as they are!

  8. cindy
    January 17, 2009 | 2:17 pm

    To the author. I am very happy that your son is getting what all other kids do. However, I’ll bet that you pay no rent, use food stamps, and any other state or federal program there is.
    And I am sure you receive childsupport as well.
    You probably keep the minumum hours at college, and make sure that you dont work too many hours so that you dont lose any benefits. I dont have a problem with single mothers, however I do when my taxdollars are supporting you!! If you choose to do it alone, then do it without american tax dollars!
    That program was designed to help people who really need it. NOT to LIVE on until your child reaches 18!

  9. Stephanie
    January 17, 2009 | 7:19 pm

    Cindy, I can’t even find the words to comment. It’s a shame you’d make such anonymous, hurtful, and judgmental assumptions about Cassie or any single parent.


  10. jean
    January 17, 2009 | 11:19 pm

    I could only watch a few minutes of that video. What is wrong with that woman? I wonder if she really believes this nonsense or if she just knows how to push peoples buttons. I hope no one buys this book or buys into her bullshit.

  11. MessyFunMommyLife
    January 18, 2009 | 12:46 pm

    […] out my 5mins post today. Give me your insights. I could sure use […]

  12. Karen
    January 22, 2009 | 4:21 am

    With all due respect to the author and anyone that has posted a comment, surely you didn’t think everyone reading this blog posting would agree with you. A traditional nuclear family IS the ideal situation within which to raise a child, regardless of how you feel about Ann Coulter. Coulter’s schtick is controversy, but her basic views line up with those of most conservatives.

  13. Judy
    January 22, 2009 | 10:48 am

    My 1st born will be 30 this year. For a total of 8 years of his life he was the “product” of a single mother. Driven to provide, driven to be the best mom, “dad”, “support system”, “buddy” I could possibly be – I sacrificed long and hard to provide a stable home for my child. (His father deceased when 5 yrs old). I worked hard, we played hard – making up for the hours, the long hours at work – while he was in childcare then preschool then… There were times I reeled from loneliness, yet was undeniably resolute in my determination to be a great, loving, supportive mom – regardless.

    The dark cloud of self-imposed guilt for the choices that led me to that place – burdened me: choices that robbed my child of a “normal two-parent home” – I continued, nonetheless, to strive to be everything my child needed me to be.

    This being said, my child – bright, talented, gifted – somehow managed. somehow we prevailed. I know – for certain- that I could have done better – made better choices – taught better lessons – been a better mom and could have provided a more stable home…

    And, I am most certain that, as a product of this process, my son has had to work through issues… ah, but then I look at some of the products of 2-parent homes, and I realize that all the while – the guilt I felt by raising my son alone was not necessary. There a mixed-up, confused, damaged children from 2-parent homes … there are mixed-up, confused, damaged children from all homes…

    What I can rest assured of, however, is that regardless how difficult it was (after all, child-rearing is THE MOST challenging, important job, is it not?) my child knew, truly knew he was well-loved.

    He still does.

    And for that I am so proud.

  14. Judy
    January 22, 2009 | 11:01 am

    Wow, you’re really good at casting judgment and providing fodder for response.

  15. Judy
    January 22, 2009 | 11:03 am

    Sorry, that last comment was for “cindy”. Thought I was replying to her chastisement of cassie…

  16. cindy
    January 22, 2009 | 12:20 pm

    This is in response to Judy- I happen to personally know Cassie, so What I said was in FACT the TRUTH! I have grown up in same town, so I know exactly how she uses the system…

  17. Judy
    January 22, 2009 | 1:01 pm

    If having “grown up in the same town” equals knowing “exactly how she uses the system” – by the same logic – standing in a garage day after day would make me a car.

    I am not, in fact, a car.
    Yes, I may have a “lot of miles” on me (evidenced by the lines on my face), but I am not a car.

    Sorry, cindy… hopefully you will never be in a position to “need the system” – but if you are, it would be a shame for you to receive the same condemnation you so freely give in your attempt to tarnish cassie’s image with what your version of “truth” is.

    For the record, by my choosing to remain, to live and to work within the USA (a work life of 39 years) I then am essentially choosing to submit to “the system”. Those dollars – I release. So, cindy, if my contributing to “funding THE SYSTEM” for the past 39 years would make it possible for you to buy formula, or cheese or whatever – IF NEED BE – then I am most pleased.

    Let’s just hope you don’t…

    Cassie- as you see, sadly… the stigma prevails…

  18. Jennifer C
    January 22, 2009 | 11:11 pm

    Cassie, may others around you not be able to judge you by your reputation. Because that’s what others think of you.

    But your character is who YOU ARE.

    Let your haters be your motivators.

  19. cindy
    January 23, 2009 | 11:14 am


    I also pay taxes for those in NEED, however, the ones that abuse the system I have NO tolerance for. And I think that you know as well as I that people know exactly how to use the system.
    I have been in the situation of being a single mother, but I chose to do it MYSELF…I could have used the system, and probably still be on it, but I chose not to. If you need help for a short time to get on your feet that is fine. What I am talking about is……YEARS!!! And staying on it deliberately.
    And your comment on the LOGIC…I have seen it with my own eyes, so it is harldy the same as standing in your garage…lol.

  20. Dawn- Sweet Pea Cakes, etc. Blog
    January 25, 2009 | 1:52 am

    WOW I was not pleased with this clip at all. Who is Ann Coulter and why does she get to write a book that bascially judges others? Are we not finally moving forward where we don’t judge each other but we help each other up? With the government and economy the way it is, the number of people being laid off, the war going on in Iraq, the hurricanes ripping apart our communities, the broken families, and with all this we still want to stand and point fingers at who is right, who is wrong and how children grow up the best? REALLY? How sad this is the kind of world I am raising my children in! Children who are raised in a home filled with love, without judgement, with kind words are children who survive this wicked society. Those homes could have grandparents raising children, two moms, two dads, just a dad, or just a mom, it could have a mom and dad, it doesn’t matter the combination that is raising the child. I have watched friends of mine succeed in life who were raised by only a mom, I have watched people fall flat on their face who were raised by a mom and dad and I watched two kids kill other kids in Columbine High Schoolyears ago when I was in high school down the street from there, who both had a mother and a father.

    I am a single mom to two beautiful girls and I will never stop loving them and teaching them to help others when they are down and to never pass judgement on others since you have no idea their story and where they have been. While some abuse the system others do not and we have no business saying which category they fall in. Keep in mind there are always people in every situation that abuse the system but not all do this (think of politics, celebrities, rich business owners, Martha Stewart). At the end of the day, my kids needs are met, they have a roof over their head, and I receive child support to ensure they do. I work hard to take care of them as every other parent in this world does. And yet, we still give to those that need help.

    So if you are married and see single mothers as bad, what are you doing to help? If you see people abusing the system what are you doing to change that? If you see people struggling in life, how are you making it better? Jump down off your high horse and make a change or close your mouth. When we see bad things in this world and do nothing about it, that makes us just as bad. See things in a different light, with compassion and love, and see what a difference that makes.

    Good luck to every parent out there with your journey in parenthood. It’s the hardest and most rewarding job out there!!

  21. MessyFunMommyLife
    January 25, 2009 | 12:32 pm

    […] have wanted to post a response to all of the comments I received on my You can blame a single mother post.  It seemed most mothers married or not supported me.  They saw the way Ann Coulter bashed single […]

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