By Veronica
I took all four kids to the grocery store the other day.
I realize that for many of you, such an event is business as usual. You always shop with your kids. Maybe you even have an organized system that works. I am not you. I avoid taking my children to the grocery store. I avoid it like the plague. I am pretty sure the plague was first transmitted to humans by children in a grocery store.
But last week there was no choice. We had poured milk for the children in the morning only to discover that it was sour (note to self: this is the second time we’ve bought sour milk from that store; never shop there again). So I got all the children buckled into the van and I drove them to the store (not the sour milk store; a different one).
We snagged one of the carts with a big plastic car on the front. My four-year-old and my three-year-old sat in the plastic car, while my toddler sat in the high seat facing me, and the baby in the car seat was snapped onto the cart next to her. We were not agile, but we were mobile. And all was well for the first few minutes. But then the baby, who wants to be held all the time, wanted to be held. Our cart became even less agile when pushed with one hand.
Still, I went through each aisle, filling our cart with everything we needed. The baby continued to cry from my arms. The two in front giggled and shrieked, but mercifully stayed in the cart. About every twenty yards – I am not exaggerating this – some stranger would look at me and say, “You have your hands full!” or “You’ve got a crowd!”
Come on, people. It’s only four. What do you say when you see a really big family? Or are you stunned into silence? Because I might seriously have more children if it meant people were actually silent.
By the time I reached the check-out, with the baby still crying, a manager from the store came up to me and directed me into an express lane, even though I had a cart full of groceries. “I want to do whatever makes your life easier,” she said. It was kindly meant, but the glares I received from passing customers who now refused to enter the express lane did not ease my grocery store experience.
I paid for our groceries, eased the cart through the narrow checkout lane (accidentally pinching one set of doesn’t-listen-to-her-mama fingers) and returned to the van. The van which I had parked in the hinterlands to avoid other cars. The van whose door was now blocked by a car parked next to it. A car whose childless driver had passed me on her way into the store.
“You’ve got your hands full!” she said.
And that, dear readers, is when I showed the world that children are not the only ones who have meltdowns at the grocery store.
When Veronica is not howling at the sky in frustration, she blogs at Toddled Dredge.
You’re brave! I used to get that “hands full” comment all the time and it never failed to enrage me. I also usually did my shopping at night when Donn was home, or I would send him, depending on my need to get out of the house.
I do love the mental image of you howling at the sky in the parking lot though 😉
i only have 2 kids (age 2 and 3) an di avoid taking them to the store as much as possible. I totally give you props for making it through the store without killing anyone. I must admit there have been times that i have been in the store and someone makes a “your hands are full” comment to me and i just want to run them over with the buggy. My sympathy to you my dear!
Oh wow. Taking my two y.o. and being preggers is enough for me. Though I have an eeeearly riser on my hands, so we go first thing Sunday morning.
Before I had kids, giving “space” to minivans was never in my consciousness. Now? Well, I too, have been known to yell at the heavens.
The one that ticks me off more, though, are the people who are parked too close to my van, and who are still sitting in their car as I struggle to get my child into his car seat while negotiating the tight space with my very pregnant belly. And the person in the car just looks at me. No offer to help, move the car, or anything. I always wonder what they are thinking. I mean, do they REALLY want me squeezing between the cars, rubbing up against them and possibly scratching them with my oh-so-glamorous maternity jeans?
All stores should take a page from Babies R Us and have “stork/children” parking as well as handicapped.
My only advice is that one day, in the dim and distant future you will be walking through the store and will happen upon a mom with her kids in tow…and only you will know what she is going through. Do not stop taking your self or your kids to the store…we’ve ALL been there. Whats the shopping experience with a meltdown of somesort by someone, be they a child or a frustrated parent? Others cannot judge you until they have walked a mile in your shoes. Enjoy your children and your shopping with them. If the world doesnt like it let them shop at the store where they sell sour milk!
I can say this (I hope) because I am also a mom to 4… you are very brave. I took all four to the store once. Probably never will again if I can help it. And it wasn’t that there was much of an issue with the kids- it’s just those nosey bystanders. There’s nothing to see here! Move along! Ugh.
Steph
The “you’ve got your hands full” comment gets to me every. single. time. Why do so many people feel compelled to say that? What do they think it helps? Or do they think this is new information to us?
The “hands full” comment is the single most common remark I get when I’m out with my four, and I expect it to just increase now that I’m visibly pregnant with #5. The funny thing is that it can have so many different meanings depending on how it’s said and the look on the person’s face when they say it!
Last year I was sitting in the chiropractor’s office with my four boys and a woman walking by remarked “You’ve got your hands full!” in the sort of voice that said she thought I was slightly nuts. My ten-year-old son turned to me and said “Mom, that was kind of a rude thing for her to say, wasn’t it?” Heh, smart kid.
I have 3 kids, but I only get this when I don’t have the big one (12yo) to help me. I think because my kids are the same weight, even though they’re almost 2 years apart people think they’re closer in age. I get the stares and people are always saying things like you mentioned. Geesh. I think you’re right, with a larger family they’re stunned wordless!
Oh do I ever hear you! I have six, my sixth was born just 3 weeks ago, and I rarely ever take all my children out grocery shopping unless in need (such as you) but even when we are all out, we get looks. All the time. And that hands full comment we get EVERYTIME. I wrote about it here, among everything else we get directed at us. Drives me nuts!!!!
http://typeamom.net/Big-Families/Trials-and-Tribulations-of-Being-a-Mom-of-Many.html
I grew up in a family of four, and my Mom had no choice but to take us all grocery shopping most of the time. If it helps, I have fond memories of spending Thursday afternoons at Cub Foods with my siblings. (Also, as we got older, I got to push the second cart which was needed for all the food. I felt so cool.)
You are not alone. I’ve only got three, but I get the “You’ve got your hands full!” comment constantly. Daily. Several times a day. It’s usually meant nicely, I think, but I get irritated sometimes. We’re not a circus act! Just a family. And a family with not even THAT many kids.
Good luck. May your future grocery store trips be blissfully alone, after your kids are in bed and husband is home. That’s the best way to shop, in my opinion.
I am lucky I guess because my husband and I still grocery shop together every week and a course out 2 year old comes with us. I went to the grocery store one time to do major shopping with my son and well needless to say we never did that again without the daddy. I still think it is an adjustment for people to see a family with four kids and so young because many families are smaller now then years ago. i think i read the average women has only 2.1 kids.
Oh, honey- that made me laugh, but it sounds like it wasn’t a very funny time for you! 🙁
I saw a lady a couple weeks ago in Wal-Mart wearing her baby in a snugli while shopping, and I thought, what a good idea, especially when you have 2 so little! I don’t know if that would help or not. 🙂
I’m going on a long Wal-Mart trip tomorrow with my 10-month-old, including a trip to the portrait studio for his pictures & I need to buy clothes, so it will be a fun time, I’m sure. I’ll think of you while I’m shopping & realize how EASY my life really is right now! 🙂
Would you believe how many times I’ve gotten that super-annoying comment with only THREE children? I totally echo you: have they ever seen a REAL, live, big family? I always want to either say, “Yes, would you like to help?” or “Yes, I’m very blessed,” depending on how frazzled I am at the moment!
Hugs to you for a very trying day.
Oh, do I hear you. I have twin boys who are almost 3 and a newborn. I actually get most frustrated when people make comments because I can tell my kids are picking up on it. My response is usually, “You know what, they are actually really great kids.” Stupid people.
I just came back from visiting my friend who has 4. We took our kids (I have one) to a touristy town one day and she had to do something with her baby. I had mine in the stroller and her other three in tow (all under 7). It was amusing to watch the expressions on people’s faces as I passed, them all thinking they were mine… but I’m sure it gets old real fast when you hear the same comments…
My friend said she’s come up with a great reply. She wants her kids to know they aren’t a “handful” so whenever anyone says “boy, you’ve got your hands full” she replies, “yes, but my heart is also full”.
I hope to emulate her one day (in attitude and kids!)
We always laugh when we get that “Hands full!” comment – we have three kids. Three rather widely spaced kids, with the older two walking quietly beside us for the length of the grocery store. Hands full of WHAT, odd people?
But we live in such a childless world – even the parents I know tend not to bring all of their kids out at once, and so I think people just aren’t used to SEEING them.
When I go to the grocery store with TWO kids, people say “You’ve got your hands full!” and they’re just sitting in the plastic car playing quietly. One of these days, I’m going to be in a bad mood and hear someone say that and I’m going to respond, “I DO have my hands full, and if you don’t leave me alone, you’re going to get an ear full.”
It *is* unusual to see a family with four children, esp. four so close in age. I’ve probably made that comment myself. I’ll be more careful from now on : )
I can’t believe the store manager didn’t offer to have one of their stockboys push your cart. A kindness like that would win my loyalty for decades.
You have all my sympathy – I have done plenty of shopping with howling small baby in arms or sling and wanted to murder the dozen people who would coo at her and say ‘Oooh are you hungry poor thing?’ as if I were callously torturing her and starving her, even though she’d been fed just before we’d left and if they’d just let me finish whizzing round the aisles I’d be home just in time for the next feed……
They are all older now and the only obstacle is getting them past the toy aisle, when they have pocket money burning a hole in their pocket.
I just had my third child and I get that ALL. THE. TIME. And if it makes you feel better, I have totally cried in the parking lot before. 🙂