In Which I Look Forward, But Not Too Far

By Megan

Al took Bean to see Toy Story 3 yesterday, so I got to spend the afternoon alone with my little Peabody. First we did the weekly grocery shopping at Trader Joe’s, which he adored because he got a cookie and a solo shower of attention and affection from the Trader Joe’s gang. After that, I had the dubious honor of taking him shoe shopping, for his own shoes, which wasn’t quite as pleasant on the surface, but I still loved the extra one-on-one time with my second favorite male on the planet. Every pair of shoes I held up for his approval received a vigorous head shake To The Naw and a growled, nose-wrinkled Unh-unh! The whole thing just made me laugh. Giggling, I finally picked shoes out for his little cantankerous self on my own and and told him that he’ll wear them, like ’em or not.

(I have my ways, I mock-snarled at him.)

(And he giggled, too.)

The day gave me a taste of what’s in store for us starting in August, when Bean will climb onto the bus bound for kindergarten and leave us to spend our days, Mama and Boy, in just one another’s company. I should maybe tear up at the thought of Bean being gone all day, five days a week, shouldn’t I? I don’t though (yet?), unless I squeeze my heart hard and almost wish for it, and that surprises me more than the fact that she’s already on her way to kindergarten.

You know what it is though, that trumps sadness over watching Bean grow up and away from me? Well, of course there’s this excitement I feel for her – for all of the new experiences and the joy of friends and teachers and back packs and lunch boxes and unread books and the familiar sidewalk to and from the bus stop taking on an almost tangible feeling of electric anticipation and then of cozy afternoon comings-home.

But perhaps more than all of that is this out-of-the-blue pop of a promise that now, after two years of all-day sharing and dividing, I’ll be actively Mama-ing just one little person again for a majority of my days, and I think that’s going to be so ridiculously fun and rewarding for both Peabody and me.

I remember distinctly the awkward sadness I felt surrounding Peabody’s birth and what it did to my relationship with Bean. (It did wondrous things for all of us, too, of course!) I’d loved being with Just Her for so long and I knew I’d miss it. I hear that other Mamas have felt (and feel) the same way, too. But what I didn’t really think about in those days of adjustment was THESE DAYS – the days that are coming right around the corner, when I’ll have time and energy to focus on my second-born, so different from his sister but every bit as sweet and charming and hilarious.

I’m overjoyed at the prospect of giving Peabody more of me and slowing down a bit to really, consciously enjoy him and watch him grow and learn and blossom in his third year.

I’ll let you know, though, how it goes when I put Peabody on the bus for kindergarten and there isn’t a sweet little hand in mine as I walk back home, alone.

Uh oh.

4 Responses to In Which I Look Forward, But Not Too Far
  1. Kelly
    July 12, 2010 | 11:29 am

    That’s one of the great things about having multiple kids, in my opinion. You almost always have a silver lining as the kids grow up, because you almost always have someone else who needs your immediate attention. I’m learning that in many ways this summer.

    Beautiful post, Megan. (And notice how I’m avoiding the last line? Because gulp. That will be the hardest step ever, I think.)

  2. Sarah
    July 12, 2010 | 2:53 pm

    When the last goes to school, it really is something wonderful too. I enjoyed my years at home with my four little ones, but the feeling of freedom and excitement for all the interesting and fulfilling things I can now think of doing for myself is fantastic too. Enjoy every precious stage of life!

  3. melissa aka equidae
    July 13, 2010 | 5:46 am

    I think every stage is wonderful…of course I haven’t sent anyone to school yet!My sadness is seeing a lot of locals happy to send their children to school from 3 yrs as if they couldnt wait to rid of them 🙁

  4. lennot
    April 3, 2012 | 4:10 pm

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