Pregnancy Journal: Fake Contractions

From 5 Minutes for Parenting

By Kelly

I almost had my baby in Target yesterday.

My toddler and I made a quick trip to the Big Red Mothership after lunch to pick up a few items. But instead of strolling the aisles in search of body wash, Clementines and diapers, I ended up clinging to the cart handle while my  body endured wave after wave of breath-taking contractions. They were apparently triggered by me participating in the adventurous x-sport known as walking slowly.

I’m sure they were the infamous Braxton-Hicks, because if I stopped moving, the contractions also stopped. But as soon as I started to walk again, I felt the python tighten its grip around my abdomen.

Meanwhile, the baby was trying to tunnel out of my uterus through my belly button.

It took me about 45 minutes to get the 10 or so items I needed.

At the check-out, the woman in front of me gleefully asked, “When are you due?” before I even started to unload my cart.

“Next month,” I grimaced, as another rock-hard contraction forced me to stand still.

“Oh my word, you are so cute!” she enthused.

(I hear that a lot these days.)

“Thank you,” I laughed wryly. “I don’t feel cute. I feel huge and tired and breathless. But I will take all the reassurance I can get.”

Slowly, I unloaded my purchases onto the moving belt. Naturally, I had to take a break after I dared lift anything heavier than a buff puff. Even the box of 84 newborn-sized diapers set off a spasm of tight muscles.

But I am cute. So they say.

And I didn’t have my baby in Target.

Even if the Braxton-Hicks force me to move at the speed of a geriatric turtle.

Maybe it’s pregnancy brain, but I don’t remember Braxton-Hicks attacking me with such ferocity before. Does anyone else have stories to share of contractions dictating their lifestyle the last few weeks of a pregnancy?

Kelly is 34 weeks pregnant with her fourth baby. When she isn’t held in suspended animation by a Braxton-Hicks, she can be found blogging at Love Well.

14 Responses to Pregnancy Journal: Fake Contractions
  1. edj
    April 7, 2010 | 6:07 am

    Haha yes! But mine were with twins! I wish you were having twins.
    Actually I always had lots of Braxton-Hicks, but the result was good–quick labours. I wish the same for you, although maybe not so quick that you end up delivering in Target with Teyla as midwife 😉

  2. Joy
    April 7, 2010 | 9:11 am

    I had horrible Braxton-Hicks contractions with my #2 and #3 (of 3)!! Except, mine were in the evening when I was sitting still or at night when I was trying to sleep. 🙂 Fun! One night, with my second, I was sure I was in labor…all night. But, by the morning things just stopped.

  3. Sarah at themommylogues
    April 7, 2010 | 10:22 am

    I’m glad to say I’ve never had that experience. And right now I’m so focused on convincing my new doctor that I should be induced early like I was the other two times, that I can’t even entertain the thought. Because I don’t want to have my baby at Target. Or home. Or in the car. And I don’t even want my water to break. Let’s just do it all at the hospital, mkay?

    I’m totally stealing the Big Red Mothership. And now in all truth, that’s where I’m headed.

  4. Melissa
    April 7, 2010 | 8:18 pm

    I had the B-H with both babies, but I think they are worse this time around. I consulted Dr Google because they are SO annoying…especially with a fibroid attached to the outside of my uterus, smack dab behind my belly button…and found that if I am super hydrated and well rested, they’re not as bad. (and by “super hydrated” – I mean that I’ve actually consumed the RDA of water each day) ;o)
    Hopefully they will settle down for you soon!!

  5. Happy Geek
    April 7, 2010 | 9:35 pm

    I had BH with a vengeance with #1 from 30 weeks on. He was not early. Good luck!!!

  6. Hannah
    April 7, 2010 | 10:45 pm

    The upside, of course, would have been that you would have had everything you needed for the birth, aftercare, and cute outfitting for you and baby right afterward!

    Plus, your picture in the newspaper. 😉

  7. Missy
    April 8, 2010 | 1:10 am

    You are bringing back memories of every time I’d fart I mean toot I’d think/hope/fear I was in labor.

    Ah, the glorious 3rd trimester.

  8. Candi
    April 8, 2010 | 12:59 pm

    Oh yes – the lovely fake contractions. I have been having them since week 20-ish, but now that I have reached week 32, they have become ferocious! They usually start around the time the big kids get home from school, come every 20 to 30 minutes, and the last through supper and through bath time, and they keep me up at night, finally settling down around 3 am. But I knew they were Braxton Hicks because even though they sucked the wind right out of me, they were not getting progressively worse or closer together. At yesterday’s Dr appointment I had the doc check just to make sure nothing was dilating or effacing yet. Sure enough, everything is still closed up tight like it should be.

    I will make you a deal – you try to keep hanging in there and I will too!!

  9. Amy from Occupation: Mommy
    April 9, 2010 | 8:28 pm

    Wow, these sound far more intense than any I have had with my first three or this one. I have a lot of B-H contractions, but they are not painful at all and definitely do not stop me in my tracks. Although walking to school to pick up my big girls this afternoon, I had to take it quite slowly, so maybe I just need to wait two more weeks…

    I am DEFINITELY not ready for him to come yet. I woke up in the middle of the night last night, wondering if I knew where the hardware and instructions were to put the crib back together. I’m still not sure, maybe I should go look around a little bit…

  10. Pixies Mommy
    April 11, 2010 | 4:26 pm

    On July 27 of 09, At about 8 am, I was at home, thinking god are these contractions, about an hour later I realized they were NOT just BH. I made it down the stairs to the truck, which my husband and a friend were helping me to. The contractions were HORRIBLE. We called 911 because I just COULD NOT get into the truck. The Ambulance came, helped me in on a stretcher, I could barely move… Needless to say they joked the whole 6 minutes to the hospital that they were BH and that I was FINE! We got into the room, the nurse sent me off immediately to change in the bathroom,and give them a urine sample,……OMG i screamed I’m having the baby…NO you aren’t the nurse replied, within one minute of that response she was kneeling in front of me holding my brand new baby daughter, while I was glaring at her while happy, shocked, nervous, and obviously angry. I got into bed soon after, and said…You should have listened to me, I know my own body!…Anyways, my 8 mo daughter is healthy and advanced…And I am about 28 weeks pregnant currently, this time, I refuse to let that happen again! I am going to ask to be induced a few days ahead of the due date LOL If my doctor will allow it LOL

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