By Beck
True story – I just spent my morning cleaning my disgusting fridge. Now it is so clean that the Queen could come over and look in it for a snack without me feeling considerable shame. I would likely feel some shock, but I’d cover it, because it’s the Queen and I feel like the past couple of decades has been rough for her. So you’re welcome to my Cheez Strings, Your Majesty.
I also, by way of a big dull conclusion, washed my kitchen floor. Whenever I do stuff like this, I feel like I should be hoisted aloft the shoulders of grateful townspeople and paraded around town while I try (and fail) to look modest, but what actually happens is that everything just slooowly gets gross again.
This used to bother me, the endless repetitive slog of housework and raising small children. I was obviously going to be washing the same sippy cup every day for the same little diapered kid for the rest of my life, obviously. But now the sippy cups sit all dusty and unused on the back of the cup shelf and nobody is in diapers and I looked at photos yesterday of my children being all babysized and stuff and I thought WELL THAT WENT BY FAST. And also WOW THE BOY HAD A LOT OF HAIR WHEN HE WAS A BABY.
So it went by. And now they’re older and The Boy helps me clean the fridge, cheerful industrious little soul that he is and now I have time to clean my fridge, which was good because I was starting to have nightmares about being chased by dirty dirty fridges. At one time in my life, I would have felt diminished by my worrying about my dirty fridge, would have felt that I was more than this.
But this – the day to day things – this is the world in which I live. And I think for too long I lived at a remove from my actual life, saving myself up for some special occasion, for something that I thought was worthy of my attention. And I would proudly announce that I was a stay-at-home-mom with my fingers mentally crossed, feeling that I was something bigger, something else. Finally, though, like Goldilocks, my life feels just right and who I am on the outside seems to finally fit who I feel like on the inside. I’m a wise-cracking SAHM who likes to write, of course. And the fridge is just something that needs to be cleaned once in a while and not something with the power to say anything about me, the end.
I LOVE this post, Beck.
Steph
I still find the sisyphusian nature of housework wearying. But I am much happier about the whole thing now that the kids are old enough to help.
Janet, I still find housework wearying. It just doesn’t make me DESPAIR FOR MY WHOLE LIFE anymore, y’know?
We’re soul sisters in the refrigerator nightmares category.
So inspired, Beck! We save ourselves like our grandmothers saved the good dishes. That somehow never got used enough. And ended up at a thrift store. Every small town has more than one thrift store – full of old tired precious forgotten things.
I have been fighting the terror of repetitive housework all week. This post (and the act of running away from my mess pit of a home to visit my mother) make me feel like maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’m still holding out for the something more…something in the form of a housekeeper. I really really really really hate to clean. I hate it. Fridges are the worst because there is a door in place to hide the mess. If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist right? RIGHT? GOOD FOR YOU!
Ditto what Stephanie says. I love it. (This is two in a row that I’ve loved of yours, in case you’re keeping count.)
This was my favorite part: “My life feels just right and who I am on the outside seems to finally fit who I feel like on the inside….And the fridge is just something that needs to be cleaned once in a while and not something with the power to say anything about me, the end.”
I’m thoroughly inspired. Though not in the least way to clean the fridge. More along the lines of uncrossing my mental fingers and embracing where I am right now. Because it’s a good place, dirty fridge and all.
I just love you, you wise-cracking SAHM who loves to write, you.
As Ferris Bueller said so eloquently, “Life goes by pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
As his boring teacher said, “Bueller. Bueller. Anyone. Anyone.”
Apparently I have had WAY too much coffee today. Trying to say I like this post. The end.
I too wish I could receive a cheer from a townsperson or two when I clean my kitchen floors. But nothing like that ever happens, drat it!
That’s got to feel good…that feeling. I feel like I am just who I should be. But…am horrible at keeping house and feel badly about it often. Very soon, I think I will pay someone to clean my house. Someone who is better at it than me. That excites me very much. And then when my floors and toilets are clean, I can devote the extra time to our fridge!
I get that same someone-should-throw-a-parade-for-me feeling, too, when I (finally) tackle one of those tasks!
“with fingers mentally crossed” – I am still there. I have a little side business, but I have to constantly remind myself that it is LESS IMPORTANT than my full-time job: being mom. And if that means cleaning sippy cups for the fourth time today, so be it.
I love this…I can’t even begin to explain why, it just is me.
for too long i kept waiting for The Next Big Thing to happen to me. well, this LIFE is happening to me. right now my life is being lived and i better freakin’ pay attention before it flies right on by me…
Beck! You have done it again. How did you know I have been obsessing over my fridge since before Christmas (when I never got around to it). I NEEDED this little essay of yours like I cannot even explain. I will not let the mildew in the crevices define me. Plus, as you have so nicely pointed out, I will get to it someday.
Thank you so very much.
I LOVE this post. But I still can’t help wishing I could live the fleeting-days-with-little-ones in a prettier, cleaner, more orderly environment. I know that day will come again, but I want it sooner.
And I definitely relate to feeling like I deserve a ticker-tape parade every time I tackle anything involving drudgery.
Beck, you’re terrific!
We should all cheer for each other when we clean. Good job, Beck!!
Oh THAT’s good. And quite encouraging as I’m in the midst of those previous days you used to experience. And today I’m pretty tired of the repetitions… actually for a few weeks I’ve been tired of it. Spring weather has been teasing us lately and I felt the stirrings of feeling the blessings again. Seeing this post and how you feel on the “other side” of this help… so I know I’ll be okay. ;o)
Like Kyla. Plus I want ticker tape. 😉
The last three lines—omg. Just totally got to me. You nail it every time.
I could use more living in the moment. I could use some refrigerator cleaning, too. Howzabout sending The Boy my way?
Thanks for this, love it! Every now and again it’s great to have a reminder that although sometimes the days are long with repetitious house work, the weeks, months, and years when our children are small fly by too fast!
Oh, I SO needed this today. I feel the same way when I mop, I always let my husband know, because I know he doesn’t care, but SOMEBODY needs to notice!!! 🙂
And the part I really needed was the part about it going fast – my house is impossible to keep clean with my two little ones, but I know focusing on them is important, too, and it will go fast. Great post.
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