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| From 5 Minutes for Parenting |
By Kelly
Can you help me with a scenario?
See, I have this really good friend who’s pregnant with her fourth baby. For all her other babies, she’s paid to have a second ultrasound, in addition to the ultrasound in the hospital paid for by her insurance.
It was a trend that started with her first baby, when she wanted confirmation that she was truly growing a baby girl. The results were so positive – the paid ultrasound doctor spent 90 minutes answering questions, going over every inch of the baby, taking countless pictures and even making a video of the whole thing – that she determined to do a second ultrasound for every baby forthwith.
Two years later, pregnant with her second baby, she returned to the same clinic to have a second ultrasound. She took home a baby boy – and another 45-minute video tape.
Her third child was born about four years later. By that time, ultrasound technology had advanced to the 3D/4D stage. Curious, she signed up for the new program, and was thrilled to watch baby number three – a girl – smile and brush her face and get the hiccups and yawn in full 3D glory. Once again, she took home countless pictures and a video DVD.
Now, she’s pregnant with her fourth. And to be honest, she’s doesn’t want to shell out $150 for yet another ultrasound video. She and her husband enjoyed the ultrasound at the hospital. They have faith they are having a boy.
But she’s concerned this will necessitate therapy for her fourth child someday, once he realizes his parents didn’t love him enough to make a in-womb video of his uniqueness.
What do you think she should do?
- She should focus on the child’s feelings, not her own, and spend the money to have one last ultrasound video made. After all, all the other kids have one. Don’t make the last child be a classic last child who only gets hand-me-downs and leftovers.
- She should forgo the video. After all, these things are done mostly for the sake of the parents, not the child. Do you know any child who’s ever pulled out their ultrasound video and said, “Mom, fast-forward to the part where they show you that bubble that’s my developing bladder. I really want to it show my friends.” No. I don’t think so.
- She should make a copy of one of her other children’s ultrasound tapes and pass it off as the fourth baby in-utero. After all, all ultrasound videos look alike. Who would ever know?
Kelly is 29 weeks pregnant with fourth baby. Amazingly, her “friend is also 29 weeks pregnant with her fourth baby. Kelly blogs at Love Well. Her friend claims she doesn’t have a blog, which is why we are sharing her conundrum for her on this forum.
I vote against doing it. Ultrasounds carry risks and doing anymore that necessary is potentially harmful for the child. She could tell him she chose not to have one for his safety, that she learned more about them since the first three were done.
I believe the only choice is A. IMHO. There is NO way I would leave one of my kids without something when I’m gone. I picture my kids battling about who was loved the most (and in your friends scenario, WHY DID THEY ALL GET THESE GREAT MOVIES AND I DON’T HAVE ONE?) LOL Both #2 & #3 had 3D/4D ultrasounds done. I can HONESTLY tell my #1 the technology wasn’t there for his. I look at at the amount of pictures and video I’ve taken between my 3. And although my DD is our Princess, I don’t grab the video camera out nearly as much as I did with our firstborn. I say suck it up, fork out the money, and it’s better safe than sorry. He may not care years from now, but I wouldn’t want to take the risk that he WOULD care more than … say one of the others. 🙂
Definitely A. I am the youngest child I know how it feels.
No, don’t do it. It’s for you, not them. They won’t care! I don’t like a lot of the ‘helpful’ technology out there anyway. I never found out what we were having. Having said that, I did rely on modern technology to conceive, via IVF, but then I left him alone to grow in peace and quiet. 🙂
Option D: Spend a fraction of the $150 to print up all the blog posts featuring this new babe in utero. It’s gotten far more fame via your blogs than it ever will on a stinkin’ DVD. Did your other kids get that much world-wide attention? I think not. And by the time it even cares, DVDs will be antiques, obsolete and they’ll have to go to a garage sale to track down a DVD player. That time is coming. Save him the trouble… it’s just not worth it.
(I’m so after the fact… what DID you decide to do?)
I think A. Reason being is we can think and rethink what may come down the road but don’t know and it isn’t like this decision can be reversed at a later time if the last child ends up feeling slighted.
I too am pregnant with my fourth and have a similar situation. We just don’t have the money to get the 3d this time around. I totally understand the feeling. I feel bad that this baby won’t have the same memories but I plan on (trying to at least) take just as many pictures as his siblings have.Hopefully that will make up for it somewhat
I am the youngest of six. I would vote no ultrasound. It’s a tough economy right now. You have to balance the needs of the entire family. That $150 can do a lot of good for all your children – food, shelter, clothing. Even if you spend it on something that helps you stay sane, isn’t your entire family blessed by that rather than a picture or DVD that will sit in a box and may never be used (or wanted if you do have a boy)?
I think we get too caught up as parents on keeping everything equal between our kids. It wasn’t equal between me and my siblings, and it’s not totally equal between my own children. My parents never stressed over it, and as a result, neither did we kids.
I vote B. You can always let them know that they were so sure and excited about him that they didn’t need a 2nd opinion. Life is not fair and definitely not equal but love knows no bounds and ultrasound is not love.
First of all, I love the way this is written! 🙂
Secondly, I understand the thought pattern here and think she should do it for the child. I have a million photos (print & digital) and growing of my oldest who is now 18. I have 500,000 for my second child who is 6. The third (age 5) one is probably at about 400,000, but it probably wouldn’t seem that way ’cause they’re all on digital. The fourth (she’s 2)? What pictures? There may be 10 printed, which makes me feel bad and wonder if she’ll feel left out as she gets older. So, I’ve been trying to get that together before it’s something that she’ll give some thought to.
It is expensive for the DVD, but if we think the child may have an issue with it then we should go with our initial instinct.
I think that you, I mean, she, should get one for the fourth. You, I mean, she don’t want the child to feel left out. I’m big on trying to make things equal among my kids. They will face enough things in life that aren’t equal. My son has a peanut allergy so he learned early on that he is “different”. Even though his sister isn’t allergic, at home I treat them the same. If my son can’t have a candy bar, then my daughter doesn’t either. When she’s alone it’s a different story.
Anyway, I think that either way it will be fun for your, sorry, I mean her kids to compare the videos some day.
We bought the video for our first pregnancy but not for our 2nd. If they ask, I will just tell them it was for me and Daddy, this is how Daddy found out the sex BTW. I did think about this with #2 but decided to buy other things with the $$$. Your friend is in a worse position though because she did it for three children already, not just the first. So in this case, I’d either hide all the other videos from the kids or buck up the $$$.
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