A Dose of Humor – Target Acquired, Baby Style.

5 Minutes for Parenting’s weekly column, A Dose of Humor, is here to remind you to take your humor pill regularly as the best medicine to treat the side effects of parenting! It features a different blogger every week and is hosted by Rachel at Grasping for Objectivity.

When she’s not finding humor and craziness to blog about in changing diapers, playing referee or taxi, kissing boo boos, baking from scratch, or simmering down teenage hormones, Lisa can be found blogging regularly at Crazy Adventures in Parenting.

With a crawling baby, you have to literally get on your hands and knees to ensure the floor is clean, or else, your vacuum baby will find whatever is left behind, and put everything in his mouth.

Let me repeat. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G in his mouth.

Now, I had just vacuumed. I had just put the vacuum away, too. I was pretty certain we were A-OK and in the clear. So when I saw his butt from behind my husband’s chair, I wasn’t too concerned. I glanced around the corner, and saw him sitting up, but outstretched in front of him, belly practically touching the floor in some crazy baby-yoga move or something, as he reached for underneath the chair.


Target acquired.

(Let me interject here with a little tidbit for those of you who may not already know this: Babies have a government-issued, laser-targeted radar-lock on whatever it is you don’t want them to find. True story. Accept this fact. Learn this. Know this. And the sooner you do? The easier your life will be for you when you realize, because there is no rest for you. Ever. The end)

Okay, back to the original story. So, there he was, outstretched, and out it comes. From under the chair, and almost directly into his wanton baby mouth. This thing. Of course, I snatched it away with my ninja-like mom skills. And then I paused a sec. What.. what the heck WAS this!?

Do you know what this is?

No? You don’t?

C’mon, really? No idea, huh? Okay, well let me give you a hint..

How about now? Any idea what it is now?


It is.

A slice of cheese.

Unbelievably enough, one of my cheese-addicted children *cough*2-year-old*cough* snatched a slice from the fridge, crumpled it up into a wad-like ball when she couldn’t get it open, and left it on my husband’s chair, causing it to fall into a crevice, working it’s way between the cushions and chair parts, probably getting knocked to the floor when I bumped the chair with the vacuum.

Like Dominos or something. I couldn’t have even choreographed that to happen, even if I wanted to. And not only did it happen, baby dude knew right where to go!

I mentioned the laser-target on babies, right?

This article was originally published on May 15, 2009 at Crazy Adventures in Parenting.

If you would like to be considered to be featured at A Dose of Humor, please email your submissions to [email protected]!

4 Responses to A Dose of Humor – Target Acquired, Baby Style.
  1. Mary
    December 12, 2009 | 9:12 am

    So, so true… I’ve also learned to beware of grandparents – they delight in teaching babies how to get around any obstacles in the way of any desired targets. Because they think this is funny and cute… Which I’ll grant it is when they are around to supervise, and not so much the rest of the time…

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