By Beck
Canadian Thanksgiving is this upcoming weekend. I like the mid-October date for Canadian festivities, but feel rather wistfully that Americans have a fairly good idea in putting the holiday in late November instead – November is short on cheerful holidays AND it makes a nice kick-off to the holiday season as a whole.
Thanksgiving for me, though – if I’m going to be totally honest – is a bit of a pain, since we are invited AND expected at both sides of our extended families for dinner and so the weeks beforehand are full of negotiations and figuring out when we’ll go where and we always manage to slightly hurt both of our mothers’ feelings in some magical, holiday-related way. I am aware that we could hold Thanksgiving dinner here, but that’s a more awkward scenario than you might think – we frequently hold Christmas dinner here, and each side of our family finds the presence of the other side of our family inhibiting. They like each other, and everyone is nice and all, but my in-laws feel pressed to be more gregarious than they naturally are and my family’s violent good times – most notably beating each other with the cardboard wrapping paper tubes – somehow seems a bit GAUCHE in the presence of NORMAL PEOPLE.
So on Thanksgiving, we eat multiple Thanksgiving dinners and transport our kids between our grandparents’s houses and our parents’ houses and our aunts and uncles houses and we let ourselves be, for just this one weekend, members of our original families again. Then we leave behind our childhood nicknames and our joking uncles and our grandmothers hugging little kids and we drive home through the autumn leaves and our children are bigger every year and this time is passing even as I write this and I am grateful for the presence of people I love who have seemed so fragile this year and yet who are here safe and sound, thankful for people who are glad to see us, thankful that at the end of each day, we come back here to our home, to this family we have made our very own selves.
What, normal people don’t beat each other with wrapping paper tubes????
Whoops.
Great post! It is hard to balance between families, isn’t it? It’s a bit easier for us because my in-laws live an 8 hour drive away, so really we can only be in one place per holiday. But it seems like someone always has feelings a bit hurt and I’m not sure how I myself will feel when I’m the mother-in-law. You know what I mean? Complicated.
This is EXACTLY our thanksgiving scenariou EVERY YEAR. Right down to the cardboard wrapping paper tubes. Seriously… reading this blog was almost eerie considering how dead on it is for describing our family juggling act around the holidays. LOL Glad to know we are not alone.
It’s true. They wouldn’t fight over you if you weren’t such irresistibly good company.
(So try being more obnoxious or terribly boring.)
I really do love Thanksgiving. But for me it is all about the Turkey!
I think that an October Thanksgiving does diffuse the emotional drama that — based on my extensive viewing of American TV — is the hallmark of the United States’ version simply because it is considered the kick off the holiday season when you SHOULD BE HAVING FUN WITH YOUR FAMILY OR ELSE YOU ARE A FAILURE!!!!
This year I am making (baking? cooking? roasting?) a turkey. First time ever. Usually turkey-duties fall to my spouse. This year he is working so I’m cooking the bird. Which is fine. Just as long as I don’t have to eat it.
Beautiful post. We were never invited to my in-laws for holidays. I used to joke that it was because they considered me such an outlaw.
So I never had to juggle.
My son and his wife,however, have been juggling for years and quite honestly, I’d rather be dropped than part of the juggling act. I’d like to have them come over because they want to- not out of obligation. but how do you say that without being misunderstood or hurtful?
Sometimes I feel like all in-law relationships are doomed, even when we all get along.
Or maybe, I just need a nap.
Holidays are kinda rough on us because both my parents and dh’s are divorced, with both dads now being remarried. It’s a bloody mess. We mostly try to have everyone here and avoid carting around to all different places (that’s a stress I’m not good at handling). For the kids’ sake we try and get along and celebrate holidays all together when we can. And of course my family doesn’t live near here, which helps because my family and dh’s family don’t love each other. Oy!
Love that long sentence at the end, it’s lovely.
We had ONE Thanksgiving where we all went from house to house. That was it. We then sat down (the sisters, parents, in-laws, etc.) and decided that Thanksgiving and Easter would be at alternating sides of the family. This year is at my in-laws (I believe) and next year is at my parents’ house. Yes, it is a bit sad that we don’t see the family on every holiday, but this is so much easier and makes for a happier holiday every year.
Yes, yes, and yes. This is a perfect autumnal post, even with your wacky Canadian calendar. ;0)
your family of origin kinda sounds like my family. except we tend to throw the roles around the table. my MIL would be HORRIFIED. oh, but she WILL be with my family for Thanksgiving this year. Hmmmm….
er… i meant ROLLS, of course
we don’t live near any relatives at all. which in some ways is great but mostly it’s sad.
What a beautiful post. I don’t have much family nearby so I don’t have the same scenario… but I can picture it so clearly reading your post.
Though it may be a pain because of all the going from place to place, it’s good that you have a thankful attitude toward it. Most people wish they had families or lived close enough to their families to go visit. Thankfulness is good.
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