By Cassie
I used to get lost when Aiden would go to his dad’s for the weekend. I would spend the weekend drinking with friends, shopping, and spending way more money than I ever needed to. I hated being home. The silence that filled the house drove me crazy. Knowing that he wasn’t going to come running into my room any second nearly drove me up the wall. I was aware that it bothered me and assumed it probably always would.
I sat home all day yesterday. I did laundry, worked on my to do list, paid bills, washed dishes, and made dinner. Aiden was at his dad’s. The house was silent. For the first time since he was born basked in the silence. I felt peaceful.
I am not sure when it happened. This change within me. When Aiden was born my life was turned around. This happens with most mothers, I am aware. But I wasn’t married, I didn’t have a career, my friends had moved away to college, and the only hobby that had taken over my life in the past nine months was eating. As soon as Aiden was born he became my life. When he was happy I was happy. If he was sad I was sad. If he wasn’t home I was a basket case. I assumed this is what motherhood was all about. Your life becomes about your children right?
I lost part of me in this transition. I stopped caring about my dreams, goals, and desires. I focused on Aiden and for a long time that is what I needed to do. My life had changed. A lot.
So recently, when I realized my life focus had shifted I was surprised. I was surprisingly happy. I spent the first eighteen years of my life surrounded with myself. The next two years surround around Aiden. I have now found a kind of middle ground. While Aiden will always be my baby and my focus I have found a comfortable place. A place where I can have dreams and goals and plans and be a good mother. A place where I can sit in my house alone and enjoy being a lone. This place is peaceful. This place is happy.
This place has made me enjoy motherhood all the more.
Cassie blogs at Cassie Boorn.
i congratulate you on your new found peace. isnt it great to realise that unnoticed to us our lives balanced out?
This is good. I’m glad you’ve found this place. I’m still in the ‘my life is about my baby’ stage…maybe this fall when #2 comes along, that will change…? 🙂
I know how you feel. I was 19 when my first son was born and although i am married it completely changed my life. I not only lost focus on myself due to my child but also due to my husband. As women i think we always worry more about everyone else and put ourselves last. I am gla dyou have found your balance!
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Outstanding story there. What happened after?
Good luck!