for the record

By Cassie

When I started writing here I thought that blogging about single parenting would be simple. Married people are always astounded at what you can accomplish without a husband. I hear women all of the time talk about their husbands being gone for business and not knowing how single parents do it all.

I would like to clear something up about single parenting. It may be hard in some aspects. We may have to clean the bathroom while our child is in the bath. Elmo may be the only way we are able to prepare supper. Showers without interruptions may stop existing. However, single parenting has its advantages.

Two days a week Aiden is at his fathers house. I have two days to clean the house, run errands, do laundry, take baths and catch up on my reading. I won’t say the days Aiden is with his dad are easy. I spend a lot of time adjusting to the silence that fills the house. I spend hours of the day figuring out what to do with myself. How to get out of bed when I don’t have a toddler jumping on top of me each morning. Adjustment. It was always just me and Aiden.

I just hate feeling like a saint. I hate hearing: “How do you do it all?” Because I don’t. Aiden has a a father who is a large participant in his life. I have free time to get the things done that need to get done. I don’t come home every night to a child. There are nights I come home to nothing. There are days when I get to feel that young single feeling.

I can honestly say though part of me is not sure how to fit another person in this house. Part of me would not know what to do with an extra set of hands. How to allow another person into my life. I have built this life. I have earned everything that I have. To let another person in to share it with me would be the hardest thing I will ever have to do.

Cassie blogs at MessyFunMommyLife.

9 Responses to for the record
  1. Veronica
    April 17, 2009 | 12:20 am

    I am a married stay-at-home mom, and sometimes I hear other SAHMs say, “My husband is gone so much that I’m practically a single mom.” And I want to say, “Um, maybe a single mom with a trust fund. Real single moms have JOBS they have to go to.” Seems like a pretty crucial difference.

    So I don’t think you’re a saint, but I recognize you have a set of challenges that I don’t, and I really respect the fact that you can say good things about your child’s father.

  2. Meredith
    April 17, 2009 | 8:15 am

    I was a single mom for a long time before I married (daughter was 4) and where you said
    “Part of me would not know what to do with an extra set of hands. How to allow another person into my life. I have built this life. I have earned everything that I have. To let another person in to share it with me would be the hardest thing I will ever have to do.”

    It’s true. It’s very hard. You have earned everything. You have sacrificed sometimes just to eat. And sharing that life with someone who doesn’t understand that is hard. It’s hard to learn to share, when you’ve learned instead to just dig in and keep pulling. It’s hard to ask for help, when help was never there before.
    It leads to fights and resentments. Eventually, you do learn to share, but it’s always weird. My now almost 15 year old daughter finally got a dad around 4. But he never held her as an infant, or changed a diaper, or worried himself sick when she had a high fever. He didn’t read stories to the back of her see through ears, or listen to her baby talk.
    It was just me and her, and that’s weird sometimes.

  3. Adventures In Babywearing
    April 17, 2009 | 9:40 am

    I love your perspective, Cassie!


  4. Cassie
    April 17, 2009 | 10:55 am


    You said it best! It is hard to ask for help when help was never there. In some sense reacting is what you have to do as a single mother. React. something is broken, fix it. someone is hurt, kiss it. A bill needs paid, pay it. A job needs done ,do it. To not just react and sit back and say I need some help THAT is the hardest thing.

  5. Carrie
    April 17, 2009 | 11:51 am

    Hm, I never thought about that perspective. Sometimes I feel guilty asking my husband for help, since I only work part-time and take my son with me, and I stay at home the rest of the time…and he works all the time… so when he’s at home, I feel like he should have ‘time off’. And, Cassie, too, you have to handle all of the responsibilities of your household along with working and parenting, and whether you think you have it easy or not, I’m still proud of you. 🙂

  6. Dawn
    April 17, 2009 | 12:15 pm

    I honor you for always writing from your heart and being so open and honest. My best friend is a single mom and we’ve talked a lot about how she doesn’t know how she’d be able to marry again because she’s never known life with a partner and her daughter (her husband left while she was pregnant). She’s built this entire life by herself and the idea of having to make room for and accommodate someone else is just confounding. And she too knows how lucky she is to get every other weekend off. I’m a divorced mom who’s remarried and we don’t plan to have any of our own kids for that very reason, we like our every other weekend. It’s such a blessing for our sanity as individuals. So yeah, it’s funny how easily people say things without really thinking about it or knowing what it’s really like in someone else’s shoes. And again, I’m glad you blog and share your stories!

  7. Kelly
    April 17, 2009 | 3:03 pm

    This is a great post, Cassie — honest and thought-provoking.

    My friends who are Navy wives echo your statement about having a hard time fitting in someone else into their lives. When their husbands are at sea for their normal six-month deployments, the wives learn to function independently. It’s incredibly difficult to re-merge as a family unit.

  8. Michelle
    April 18, 2009 | 12:35 am

    I absolutely love this post…it hits close to my heart. I separated from my husband when my daughter was 2.5 and met my “now” husband when she was 3.5. It was tough to see her go on the weekends to her dads, but it allowed Roger and I to really spend some time getting to know one another. Now, we are a family of 4 – and two weekends a month she goes to her dad’s and is a single child, with a doting parent. Then she arrives back here, with a sibling and two parents that missed her and appreciate what she contributes to making us who we are.

    Great post. I love your perspective.

  9. Para Ma
    April 14, 2012 | 10:57 am

    Recent Blogroll Additions……

    […]usually posts some very interesting stuff like this. If you’re new to this site[…]……

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