A Dose of Humor – McFear

Heather of The Extraordinary Ordinary chases two beautiful boys daily. In her former life she was a social worker and a more doting wife than she is now. Heather says “rocks the party” too much in an effort to remain cool. Mostly, she’s totally in love with being a stay-at-home Mom and wishes time would slow down just a wee bit so that she could kiss the chubby baby cheeks of her boys forever.

The kids and I had to get out of the house today. I made the mistake of asking Miles where he would like to go. He said the play place at the mall. I said something like, “really?” He was sure.

Anyway, we ran other errands and I started to truly dread the mall, the double stroller, the chaos…

We came up to a light and I couldn’t help but notice the golden arches to my right. Hmmmm.

Mistake #2 of the day was asking if the play place at MickeyD’s would suffice… ugh.

Miles has been to the play place one other time in his life. Luckily we were with friends that day. I was pregnant with a (very) large Asher, and Miles couldn’t find his way out of the “tunnels” in the play place. My friend climbed her way through and saved his life. That was a long time ago, so today I thought Miles would be old enough to not freeze in one of the plastic window bubbles, totally forgetting how to keep his body moving toward an exit.

But he forgot.

I looked a fool for at least five minutes trying to mouth to him how to get down, head tipped back as I looked up at him in the bubble window, pointing and pacing and yelling, “IT’S OKAAAAY!!!” Finally I gave up (too many crocodile tears), and climbed my way to the rescue. Ew…

Then a droopy Miles and I made our way back to an abandoned Asher and ate more nasty, guilt-inducing food. I said that maybe when he’s a bit bigger he’ll have an easier time with really high tubing. He just stared at me and shoved a hand-full of artery-clogging fries into his innocent little mouth.

After that, he proceeded to pour lemonade (sugar-ade) down his front, soaking his shirt and pants and, with lip trembling, asked me for a napkin. “That’s okay honey, accidents happen, stay right here while I go throw our piles of unrecyclable trash.”

I was only gone for a moment…

Gone. G-O-N-E. Gone. Where’d he go?!? Has Ronald McDonald stolen my beautiful child??? Panic setting in. I turned my back for three seconds! Well, okay, maybe it was 30 seconds because that stupid piece of paper wouldn’t come off the tray and I didn’t want to touch the garbage and…ugh. WHERE???

Oh. He’s right there, removing his shoes to start the climb up Mount Fear again. No thank you, Mister. We’re leaving.

“WHY MOMMY?”

This post was originally published on June 11, 2008 at The Extraordinary Ordinary.

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