Buses and Bloggers: A Proposal

By Veronica

Do you ever get weary of the wrangling and arguing on blogs? A week ago, a blog-friend and I considered having our own fake internet fight, but were too tired by real blog squabbling to even mock it adequately. All those people filled with pompous judgment can wear a reader out.

So I was pretty excited to discover a way to carry the terse, mean-spirited hate-match of crazy blog comments into the public space, while benefiting the environment AT THE SAME TIME. It’s like a sanctimony extravaganza!

Apparently in Britain and in the US some ideologues with extra pocket money have been paying for advertisements on buses to express their deeply held beliefs. I find this extremely helpful since I base my own crank ideas convictions entirely on the messages written on passing vehicles. In fact, that is my first deeply held belief – a kind of prime directive, if you will: words written on automobiles must be obeyed.

I admit I have seen more than one bumper sticker that left me a little confused, and I still haven’t figured out what exactly Calvin is trying to tell me by peeing in public, but hey! What is a deeply held belief if you don’t commit to it when it makes no sense?

ANYWAY, the competing bus advertisements all financially support mass transit, which, as you know, is always underfunded. The longer the bus-message squabbles go on, the more cash the bus company can use to make bus routes practical, efficient and less like riding in a sweat-soaked dustbin.

So I’ve decided that our most vitriolic blog commenters should be in on this. Wouldn’t you feel better about the whole circumcision debate if you knew that the all-caps “CIRCUMCISION IS MUTILATION” was paying for your child to live in a less smoggy city? Or the crazy misspelled “frmula is lik rat poison!!!1!! you don’t deserv to hve kids!!” was funding a much-needed city service? This idea is gold, I tell you.

I admit we may have a hard time convincing the trolls and flamers earnestly helpful and wise commenters to put up the money. If you have any ideas for me about that, please post them on the side of the nearest city service vehicle.

It’s just the best way to get a hold of me.

If Veronica had taken her undergraduate advisor’s suggestion and done a push-up for every sarcastic crack she made, her arms would have fallen off from exhaustion and she would never have had the chance to blog for 5MFP and her personal blog, Toddled Dredge.