The Myth of Sleeping In

By Melodee

At heart, I’m a pessimist . . . except on Saturday mornings. On Saturday mornings, I somehow trick myself into believing that I will get extra sleep, even on days when my husband leaves the house early, as he did this morning. My daughter wakes up at 6:55 a.m. and I barely open my eyes as I pluck her from her crib and run bath water.

As the water runs, I return to bed and precisely four minutes later, return to the bathroom to turn off the water. I am still mostly asleep, convinced I will be sleeping in this bright Saturday morning. I am a Saturday morning optimist. I crawl back under the covers.

Six minutes later, she beckons me and I stumble back to the bathroom to answer her nonsensical question (ie. “can I have a cloth-cloth?”). She has very few made-up words in her vocabulary, but she calls a “washcloth” a “cloth-cloth,” which I find very charming. But I still would rather sleep. So back to bed I go.

Ten minutes later, she’s finished with the bath. I wrap her in a towel, turn on her television, bring her a bowl of dry Cheerios and a drink and stubbornly return to bed. I am sleeping in! It’s Saturday!

Soon, she appears at my bedside. “Can I sleep with you?” she asks. So, I scoot over and she climbs in. Moments later:  “Will you turn on a show, please?” I turn on Nickelodeon and plump up my pillow. I am sleeping in!

She’s eating saltine crackers in bed. She turns on the light. She’s in. She’s out. She’s up. She’s down. She’s talking to me, even though I AM SLEEPING IN! It’s Saturday!

At 9:15 a.m., I’m still in bed. “Sleeping.” Lights are all on, so I’m suffocating under the covers. The television is loud. How did it get so loud? And then the alarm begins to ring in the bathroom. This alarm clock almost outsmarted me, but one day I read the instruction booklet three times in a row and figured out how to turn it off. Only, somehow, now it’s beeping. I say to my daughter, “Hey, can you go push the buttons on that clock and turn it off?”

She goes, but can’t get on the counter because she’s wearing her 8-year old brother’s pajamas and her feet swim in grievously long pajama legs. She keeps slipping. I say, “Can’t you push the buttons?” She says, “I can’t! I’m slipping!” Finally, I throw off the covers with a mad flourish and stomp to the bathroom. I say crazy things like, “FINE! WHY WON’T YOU LET ME SLEEP IN?! IT’S SATURDAY!”

And so the day begins.

Originally published at Actual Unretouched Photo.

7 Responses to The Myth of Sleeping In
  1. Kellys Krazy Kids
    May 3, 2009 | 5:47 pm

    Amen to this! I totally agree. That’s what “lazy” mornings around here are like, except my husband can be sound asleep through all that chaos while I’m just praying that they all just don’t kill each other!

  2. Kelly
    May 3, 2009 | 10:30 pm

    I can so relate.

    I don’t know what it is about Saturdays that make me think I can live like my former self.

  3. Yamile
    May 4, 2009 | 12:35 am

    I can’t sleep in even on Saturdays because of “blessed” soccer games at 8 in the morning. However, I’ve learned the hard way that if I stay in bed for 10 extra minutes of sleep while my 4 kid run free, I regret it for 10 hours. Not worth it!

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    May 7, 2009 | 8:53 pm

    This post was 3 kinds of awesome.

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