I have returned

By Cassie

I have a tendency to assume other mothers are judging me. I have not blogged in two weeks. I honestly felt as thought I had nothing to say. I felt as though I wasn’t worth enough to share my thoughts with other mothers. This happens from time to time.

Aiden will turn three on Saturday and I still question my role as a mother. I still feel like a child sometimes. I still go out with friends. I still am not married. I still do things that normal twenty one year old children do. So what do I have to put forward in this community of moms? What do I have to share that they don’t already have? Honestly, I still have not answer that. I have come to terms that Steph would not have chose me to contribute to five minutes if she had not seen that I have something to contribute. So this week my blogging returns. Not only here but on my own website. Although I may not be a qualified authority I have a story to share.

I still remember the first time someone made me feel like an unwarranted parent. Aiden was about nine months old. We had decided to take on a trip to the mall. I could almost bet I was in sweatpants and a t-shirt. It seems that is what I lived in. (I was the biggest I had ever been in my life). I found myself trying to swing the stroller around in American Eagle while feeding him cereal puffs.

I looked over and noticed this lady. We have all seen them at the mall. The women that look like they made a career out of shopping. Her outfit perfectly in place. Her hair perfectly groomed. I thought nothing of it until I heard these words spill from her mouth “I am so glad I don’t have kids so I can afford nice things.” I wanted to melt and die.

I had once been able to pull off an outfit. I once was able to put something together. I at one time in my life looked like I had it together. Still, here I was in sweats with my hair a mess trying to turn a big stroller around sharp corners. I think I hid from the mall for about a year. I lost the weight and look much more put together than I used to. I still wish I could run into that lady again.

Find Cassie blogging at MessyFunMommyLife.

9 Responses to I have returned
  1. Stephanie
    February 27, 2009 | 9:53 am

    I ALWAYS think I’m being judged. From what I write on my blog to when I’m shopping at Target. I think it’s more part of being a woman than mother, it’s just when the two combine it’s SO amplified… but know that we’re all probably feeling and thinking the same thing. It’s not even about the other person- it’s about what we are going through in our own life & head.


  2. Stephanie's Mommy Brain
    February 27, 2009 | 10:29 am

    “Although I may not be a qualified authority I have a story to share.” Love this! That’s what blogging and friendships are about. Using our unique stories to encourage each other.

    It’s true that you and I have very different lives – I have 4 kids, am 34, and married. But that doesn’t mean I can’t benefit from reading about your experiences.

    You remind me that moms all love their children and are doing the best they can regardless of their age or marital status. You remind me to say encouraging words to the young moms I see in the store rather than judging her. Thank you for sharing with us!

  3. Kelly
    February 27, 2009 | 11:50 am

    I’m glad I have kids so I can’t afford nice things.

    My kids keep me grounded in what’s important in life. Nice things are NOT one of them.

  4. Carrie of Ceaseless Praises
    February 27, 2009 | 11:58 am

    Cassie, I’m glad you’re back – on here & on your blog. I appreciate reading what you write- you broaden my horizons- some of us in this online community might not have a ton of friends who are single mothers- so to hear about your struggles & your victories & your feelings is a blessing, and helps us relate to others around us better.

    I was going to type Kelly’s exact sentence: I’m glad I have kids so I can’t afford nice things. Some things in life are more important than ‘nice’ things. What a ridiculous thing for that self-centered woman to say.

  5. midlife mommy
    February 27, 2009 | 3:03 pm

    Well, I hope she finds those “nice things” sufficient as she lies in her nursing home bed, old and alone. Don’t ever measure yourself with the yardstick of a small person. It’s too bad that she will never know that riches come from things other than money.

  6. Candace
    February 27, 2009 | 4:14 pm

    I was 22 when I become a mom and even though I had been married for 3 years I still felt then and now that people judge me. I was out with my son eating at Chilis one day just the 2 of us. He was not cooperating that day and was really fussy for some reason. Anyways, a woman sitting beside our table made a comment to her husband to the effect I was single mother and bad parent. I lost it and told her I was by no means a single mother, in fact I was married and had been(at this time) for 5 years. I often get judged because my husband and I have decided we are done having children. That is a whole other story.

  7. edj
    February 27, 2009 | 6:47 pm

    I wish I could see that woman! I could say, “I’m so glad I had kids instead of ruining my life and disposition through selfishness!”

    I don’t know why people feel the need to judge others so incessantly. I know when my 3 were little, I did get a lot of vibes and snide comments, just because I had a child and then had twins 20 months later. But blogging isn’t about being an “expert.” We write what we know, and we share our stories. I’m glad you’re back; you offer me a perspective on parenting that I wouldn’t otherwise have.

  8. Ally
    March 5, 2009 | 3:11 pm

    I’m 23 with a two-month-old and man do I get it–wanting to tell everyone you see “I had it together once! I didn’t always have these stretch marks! I do occasionally get my hair cut! I graduated with honors, for goodness sake!” And I do feel defensive if I go anywhere without my husband…so I usually don’t.

    21 isn’t a child, though–I get feeling like one, but you’re not one by anyone’s definition. You qualified for adult awhile ago 🙂

  9. rachat credit
    April 5, 2012 | 6:00 pm

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