Slow Down

Life is not a race. So, why are so many mothers I know in such a hurry to enroll their three and four-year old children in school? Why does a four-year old need to write his name? What is the big rush?

For the typical pregnant woman, the starting flag begins waving the second the doctor insists on an ultrasound to “date” the pregnancy because God forbid a baby should just arrive on its own terms. It’s all about shaving off the final weeks of pregnancy and inducing the baby to be born for the convenience of the doctor so he can be home before the sun sets on the splendor that is his home. Who cares that a normal pregnancy can last up to forty-two weeks and that some babies take even longer to gestate . . . let’s hurry and get that baby born! Stat!

Don’t even get me started on how few mothers bother to breastfeed their babies for the optimum length of time, because surely, someone will be offended and that is not my intent. But honestly, how many babies are shortchanged because of mom’s rush to just move on to another stage?

Babies are little for about twenty minutes, it seems, and then they are stinky teenagers, but we are in a headlong rush to get them through each stage as quickly as possible. Finish up breastfeeding so we can potty-train so we can enroll them in full-time preschool so they are ready to read and write before they get to kindergarten so they can what? Apply to an Ivy League college before they get out of second grade?

Speaking of second grade, I must again describe my dismay at observing second-grade girls at a Veteran’s Day assembly a few years back. Those seven year olds had highlights in their hair and pantyhose on their legs and high-heels on their feet. And to think that I wasn’t even allowed to wear earrings before I was ten back in the old days. These girls looked ready for an office romance.

This all ties in with my pet peeve:  parents who take children to inappropriate movies or allow them to watch inappriate DVDs at home. (The latter happens more often than the former because parents apparently don’t realize that the images are the same–only smaller–on both screens. Duh.)

Why are we in a foolhardy hurry to expose our children to adult themes and images? What three-year old needs to view a rated PG-13 Superman giving his main squeeze an upside down kiss? What child needs to see violence on screen or hear wildly inappropriate language in surround sound? If a preschooler watches PG-13 movies, what will he be accustomed to watching by the time he’s fourteen? What is the rush?

My job as a mother is to protect my children’s innocence for as long as possible. My job as a mother is to protect my children’s childhoods for as long as possible.

When moms and dads worry more about whether their kid can write a word at age four than they worry about images that child sees, people that child meets and influences that child experiences, something is wrong. Not that any of you are like that, of course. But some theoretical parents are, you know. Rush, rush, rush, hurry, hurry, hurry, without regard for a child’s internal timetable or needs.

My four year can write a “M” and can recognize her name in print. It hasn’t even occurred to me to teach her to write her alphabet, nor do I ship her off to preschool. I haven’t tried to teach her to read nor have I shown her how to wear eye shadow. She doesn’t have a lunchbox or take any classes or own a Dayplanner.

She’ll know how to write in cursive and recite her multiplication tables soon enough. In the  meantime, you can find her in the sandbox, digging.

We’re in no hurry around here.

Originally posted September 27, 2006 at Actual Unretouched Photo.