By Cassie
I have been home with Aiden for exactly a month. Going into this I thought this would be a great bonding experience. A month home all day just me and Aiden. I had all these ideas of the things we would accomplish. The cleaning that would get done. The activities I would plan. Walking out of this and starting school next week I can honestly say. I have never wanted to sit through a lecture more in my life.
I do not have the patience to be in a house with a toddler all day. Along with these thoughts come the impending guilt that I am the worst mother alive. As I drove to work last night I thought of all the reasons I am the worst mother alive.
-I look forward to driving to work because it is quiet
-I give my child treats as an incentive to be good while I work out
-I hate candy land
-I put elmo on the t.v. so that I can take a bath
-I feed my child spaghetti o’s when I don’t feel like cooking
-I lose my cool and yell when I am upset
-this is always followed with a hug and multiple apologies
-I let Aiden stay in his pajamas all day sometimes
-I put Aiden to bed early when he is being extra naughty
-I look forward to nap time
-I am sometimes relieved when it is time to go to his dad’s house
-I buy him toys at the store just to stop the fits
There are more motherhood sins I have commited I am sure. I love my son. I love to cuddle with him. I love to sing him songs and read him books. I hate playing toys. I hate sitting on the carpet in his room and playing with toys. I am not that kind of mom.
Any insight would be nice. Is it ok to not want to be with your child all the time? Is it ok to look forward to going to work somedays?
Or is it true? Am I the worst mother alive?
Find Cassie blogging at MessyFunMommyLife.
Oh Cassie, I think most of us feel those things sometimes (including feeling like the worst mother alive) but it’s not true. Does your son know he’s loved? Do you know you’re doing the best you can? Aren’t you going to work and school to provide a better life for him? I imagine your whole world is about taking care of him. Does he have clothing and food and shelter, and again, love and affection? I will say since I am now so experienced and seasoned that it does get better. : )
Steph
You are SO not the worst Mother alive. You are doing it alone, if I didn’t have my hubby to share the load of my hooligans, I would go INSANE! So the fact that you are still sane says something for sure! 😉
I think that I have, yes, I have done everything on that list you mentioned.
You Rock Mama!
I do almost all of the things on that list as well. You are not a bad mommy, just a normal one 🙂
Yay, for you! You’re not OCD Nazi Mom! You deserve a hug. And a day in pajamas for the whole family.
Do you beat your child? Do you lock him in the closet? Do you withhold food? Do you ignore him for days on end? No? Those things you listed are minor, and some of them aren’t even bad. (Putting him to bed early when he’s naughty? Probably the best thing you could do.) You sound pretty normal to me. All of us mothers live with this paradox, this tension, where we love our kids to pieces but sometimes can’t stand them. Just keep doing your best and loving your child. It will all work out.
Oh gosh, I hope its ok to feel that way! Or else we could start a “Worst Moms Alive” support group!
So not the worst mother alive. Just because you are an adult and sometimes need adult time, space, and interaction does not make you a bad mom. I guarantee you put anyone in a house with a toddler for a week, and they will run out screaming.
Of course, I can say all this a million times to someone else but to actually believe it myself is more difficult. I am drowning in self-inflicted guilt as well. The sooner we let go of the guilt the better.
If you are a bad mom then so are the rest of us. We have all had those though and done those things before. I think anyone who says they havent is either a saint or lying. You are 100% normal girl and pat yourself on the back for doing alone. I think i would go insane without my hubby!
I sometimes do this. I start back to school Monday and really, really want to sit through a lecture! I can relate and you are not the worst mom or else that means we all are. Thanks for be honest!
I’ve felt, this past week, that God absolutely did NOT intend me for a mother (kind of late to figure this out, seeing as how #2 is coming in May). I agree with all the other commenters, we all have our times of feeling like the worst mother alive. My gram always tells me that the most important thing, the only thing that really matters in the end, is that your kids know you love them. Everything else is peripheral.
As everyone else mentioned, you are far from being the worst mother.
I think part of your problem is that you need to discover what common interests you have with Aiden. That is one of the things I’m constantly exploring with Princess. I always thought that we’d spend hours filling coloring books together like I did with my dad. Nope. She’s not interested in coloring books at all.
She loves playing with her baby dolls. I loved it too when I was a kid but discovered that I no longer enjoy dressing and redressing and making up dialog with dolls.
However we both like playing Go Fish, Memory or your dreaded Candy Land. We play one of these after dinner almost every evening. See? Everyone has different interests, things they can tolerate more than others.
And while on holiday vacation I discovered even more common interests: styling her ponies hair, hide and go seek (if I hide in the right spot I can sneak in a cat nap) and training our dogs together.
Explore various activities with Aiden and you’ll find something you can fall back on and be the apple of his eye without dying of boredom.
I think we’ve all felt like that at times. Being around a toddler 24/7 is not always fun, and not always easy. Those moments where you get away are what keeps us sane.
You are definitely NOT the worst Mom alive. I became a SAHM in June of 05 when we found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child and we moved from FL to NC. We decided it would be better for me to be home, to save on daycare. I looked forward to it, because since having our oldest in 02, I wanted to be home with her. But she had to be in daycare, in order for us to make ends meet, we both needed to work. Anyway… for the first 3 months at home… I hated my life. I wanted nothing more than to be back at work, around adults. And my daugther, who was 3 1/2 at the time… wanted to go back to “school”. Even now, I’m not much into getting on the floor & playing with my girls. I love playing games… as long as pay attention & play. I love reading & coloring with them. But I’m not into Barbies or dolls. I yell, I don’t clean like I did when I worked full time, and there are several days when my girls will stay in the PJ’s all day.
Add me to that list of the worst Mom’s alive. 😉
Aw, sweetie, give yourself a break- you’re doing everything yourself, and it’s okay to need time for yourself! My son’s 13 months, and I put him in his exersaucer with Elmo on TV, too…and feed him hot dogs & mac & cheese regularly…and look forward to naptime & bedtime & time alone.
Also, lots of us moms look forward to our hubby’s getting home so they can play with the baby & we can have a break- but you don’t have that luxury- don’t worry, you’re doing a good job, and your son knows you love him. 🙂
Wow- I love T With Honey’s response. Such a lightbulb moment I’ve just had. Thank you!
Steph
You are completely normal and don’t think a thing of it. You need to take care of yourself to be the best mother you can be! Enjoy some time for yourself to recharge.
Definitely not the worst mother ever. i had a list that long of reasons I was the worst mother ever and that was just from that day
um, hmm, that pretty much describes me! aahh the mommmy guilt. gotta love it.
I agree that most of us feel this way sometimes about being the worst mother. But we all need to give ourselves some slack. We are human and we make mistakes and we aren’t prefect. hang in there!
Heck no Cassie, you are definitely NOT a bad mom!
It is so hard to be home alone all day with a toddler… it gets boring and lonely. Working is a million times easier and often more fun.
Please do not be hard on yourself.
My piece of advice is try really hard to find a neighbor with a child of a similar age. Then hang out together… it makes ALL the difference.
Oh Cassie, you are human, you are honest, and you are just the rest of us, who thank you for putting it all out there.
I do a lot of things on that list too. I do a lot more yelling than I want to. I am hoping that we’re just normal moms.
Yep – T with Honey nailed it. I’ve been working on finding some things to do with Bean that both of us can really get into and enjoy. Jigsaw puzzles, reading games and cooking/baking together work well for us, but your list of things to do with Aiden might look very different. OHMYGRANNY there was a moment a few months ago when I realized I might go over a mental cliff if I had to play another stinkin’ round of Candyland!
Oh, and you know what? Spaghettios are yummy. I use Bean as an excuse to eat them myself.
The worst mother alive is Casey Anthony and you are not like her so you are okay. She killed her baby so she could go out and party and to hurt her mother. All the things you listed are normal. If your son is loved, and knows it everyday, has a roof over his head, food, clothing etc… then he will be okay. We don’t have to love every thing our kids love either. Some toys are downright annoying!
Don’t we all feel like this at some point?
I have found a GREAT friend who has a son close in age. Our boys love each other and love having another adult around at the park, Disneyland or just the grocery store to talk to.
She’s a lifesaver and definitely one of the reasons I’ve come to love being a stay at home mom.
no way you are not! 🙂 plus I feel like I am and clearly we can’t both be the worst so . . . . haha
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