Head Over Heels

By Cassie

Somehow whenever my friends and I get together we end up talking about motherhood. I know mothers usually do talk about motherhood! However, none of my friends are mothers or fathers for that matter. Their curiosity about the whole event astounds me.

Most of them assure me that they never wish to have kids. They would not be a good mother, could not handle the stress, don’t want to get fat, stretch-marks, college funds, the list goes on. I usually rebuttal with the joy parenthood brings. If I don’t defend it, lets face it, our generation will be the last. I emphasize the sense of accomplishment that I have received from having Aiden. I leave out the spit up, night time feedings, tantrums, poopy diapers, potty training, sore breasts, contractions, all of the real joys of motherhood.

This past week though I heard something that I don’t usually hear. A friend was afraid she wouldn’t feel that “instant bond” mothers are supposed to feel. I assured her that I did not feel that instant head over heels love for Aiden. I mean there is nothing like holding your newborn in your arms and looking into their eyes knowing you helped create this little person. After labor and feedings and the realization that I had 45 pounds to lose when I got home I was too preoccupied to fall in love.

I spent the majority of Aiden’s babyhood feeling guilty about everything that I did. I didn’t feed him enough, fed him too much. My house wasn’t clean enough. I drove too fast. I didn’t dress motherly. My taste in music was bad. I listened to music too loud. Looking back I see that I didn’t even love myself. I was so preoccupied with what the world expected of me I didn’t see that I was a wonderful mother.

I see it now. Every day I fall more in love with this little boy I have created. Biased as I am, I would say he is the sweetest little man I have ever met.

I assured her.

It may not be right away but eventually you will fall head over heels. and you will never recover.

Find Cassie blogging at MessyFunMommyLife.