By Veronica
Yesterday, I had a tubal ligation.
My friend Deb drove me to a small medical center where an anesthesiologist put me under and my OBGYN zapped my fallopian tubes. The hospital where my babies were born is a Roman Catholic hospital, so the procedure could not be done there. At this point in this post, more liberal bloggers might complain indignantly about religious hospitals denying women medical care. I am not that blogger. I believe profoundly in religious liberty for everyone, including organizations that have convictions against birth control. We do not extend religious liberty to people only if they do not inconvenience us. Besides, I benefited from those Catholic religious convictions, both by the charitable program for uninsured mothers during my first pregnancy, and in the confidence I had during every other pregnancy that no matter what went wrong, no one at this hospital would pressure me to abort my children.
So you just keep doing what you’re doing, Catholic hospitals. I’m grateful.
But my husband and I do not have religious convictions against birth control, and we had decided that our current three-month-old would be our last baby. At Thanksgiving, I found my heartfelt prayer was “Thank you, God, that I am not pregnant.” Being not-pregnant has felt like coming out of a fog. I can handle the nausea and the heartburn and the sciatica of pregnancy, but the exhaustion overwhelms me. I can’t say that I will never again want a baby – how could I say no to a baby? so sweet! so wonderful! – but I know with certainty that I never want to be pregnant again.
But thinking about this subject has reminded me of many posts I’ve read on the subject of fertility from other bloggers, most of whom have different beliefs than mine. Gretchen at Lifenut, though not opposed to birth control, wrote about when the decision to become infertile may be foolish in her post Scarred for Life. Although I do not come to the same conclusions as Jennifer F. on birth control, I have been very moved by her blog Conversion Diary, where she explains her Roman Catholic beliefs on abortion and contraception in her post How I Became Pro-Life. Amy at Amy’s Humble Musings wrote about her convictions as part of the protestant Quiverful movement.
My different beliefs about birth control are based on a different understanding of vocation and the ways the abstract acceptance of God’s will should be manifested in the concete, but I am grateful that there are women who see as their vocation the welcoming of all children under any circumstance. That is a powerful message in a world that too often views children as “mistakes.” And no, if I miraculously conceived a child after a tubal ligation, that child would not be a “mistake.”
Deciding to end my own fertility also makes me keenly aware of what a privilege it was. I had four babies in five years, each one a welcome addition that was easily conceived. So many of you have had different experiences. Antique Mommy’s birth story you probably all know. Robbin at My Level of Awareness wrote about the consequences of her own decision to wait for children in her post, A bad example is sometimes the best one. And GiBee of Kisses of Sunshine wrote a great guest post at Shannon’s blog about what she’d like people to know about infertility. It is easy to take fertility for granted, and the writing of these bloggers has shown me how intensely grateful I am for the privilege I have been given. Thank you, bloggers, for that.
My sister tells me that this is the “end of an era” for me. I suppose it is, though the busyness of motherhood will not give me much time to absorb that. But today’s heavy sleep under the lingering influence of morphine, I find myself well-rested enough to recognize it and cherish all I have been given.
Veronica blogs at Toddled Dredge.
Wow. I am so thankful were brave enough to write this. I understand what you are saying so very much. I hope you are doing well.
Steph
We recently made the same decision, although the other of us had the surgery. (Which means I didn’t get any morphine. Boo!) I can relate so deeply to how you feel.
Hope your recovery is MUCH shorter than Al’s and doesn’t involve frozen peas on any part of your anatomy. Hee hee hee.
Wow i wish i could be that brave! The what ifs would eat me alive! Thank you for sharing!!! I hope you are feeling well!
I too have decided not to have any more kids. It is a big relief for me although I cannot go the tubal ligation route due to scar tissue. They would actually have to cut me open to tie my tubes so it looks like hubby will have to take the bullet and get cut. I “hope” he does it soon because there just comes a time when as you said…you know you don’t want to be pregnant again.
The idea of getting to sleep through the night is also a bonus.
The post you linked to by Jennifer F. on Roman Catholic beliefs about contraception was interesting. It seemed to me that she advocates for not having sex anymore if you don’t want to have kids, even if married. I can’t imagine that would go over to well.
Thank you for this! My husband and I have been discussing the possibility of not having any more children after this, and have been taking a lot of flak from people about attempting to thwart God’s will and not trusting him. It’s a relief to hear that we are not the only ones out there who feel it is acceptable to take precautionary measures!
I also appreciate the links to those who feel differently–always nice to get both sides of the picture.
I also made the decision to have a tubal after our fourth child, but decided to do it in the hospital after giving birth. Probably not the best decision as I was bursting with hormones and the birth experience and cried all the way down the hall to have the procedure.
That being said, while I do get regular “this is the last time I will…” pangs I have not regretted the decision. In fact, I am elated to know I will likely never be pregnant again. I am not a happy pregnant woman. If there are more children in our future (which is doubtful but not impossible) they will not be birthed by me.
I wish you a speedy recovery and peace. It’s normal to go through a period of mourning the end of this time in your life after such a major decision, although being so busy with mommy duties right now might save you that. 🙂
No matter how convinced we are that we are done, always feels so final to make a decision- or better yet act on it. Thanks for sharing!
While I never end my own fertility, my husband’s may have it’s door closed in a few short months. We’re still in the process of deciding. It’s a difficult chapter of your life to close, especially when we’re 26 and 29, but I also think 3 kids may be the breaking pointing in my sanity.
I made that decision this time too. I had mine done at the hospital where I gave birth though and wasn’t put under. you lucky girl! it’s gross being awake during that.
I hope you have a easy recovery.
This is one of the most rounded posts on this subject that I have read….excellent! As a mom of five, I have studied and reflected on this topic often…my brothers have 10, 8 and 6 respectively, and no we’re aren’t Catholic, just do see the blessing in a large family. We “only” have 5, and are most likely done.
Hoping your post-op goes well….looking forward to meeting you at Blissdom.
oops – and no, I don’t like to proofread…UGH!
No…we aren’t Catholic, and I will add…yes, we know what causes it,
Just to add a thought to this:
“It seemed to me that she advocates for not having sex anymore if you don’t want to have kids, even if married. I can’t imagine that would go over to well.”
While I don’t know the person behind that post, I can share my understanding. I am a practicing Catholic. The Catholic Church teaches that there are 2 points to intercourse-the unitive (bond between husband and wife) and procreative.
To say no more sex would not at all be the answer, as that would take away from the unitive means for the relationship.
I’d hate for anyone to get the impression that being Catholic and wanting no more kids means having no more sex until after menopause. PLEASE! lol That is not so.
While we don’t share common beliefs on birth control, we also know of other means to avoiding pregnancy, if that is what is in the best interest of the couple.And trust me, those means are MUCH more effective than they were percevied to be from the 60’s. 😉
Well stated and eloquent as always Veronica. Ending one’s fertility for any reason is personal and complicated. I was unprepared for how sad it made me to do so.
So well-written and well-rounded! Thank you!
My husband and I made the decision to end my fertility though my option(use BC) is not so final. But to us it is because after having our son 2.5 years ago we realized how complete our family is with being a family of 3. We a course left the option but probably won’t need it. I did not want to get my tubes tied or anything in the hospital because after him I was very hormonal. But now 2.5 years later I am thinking of getting it done. I just turned 25 and my husband is 27 and when I reach 30 I will probably go in and have it done. I have never had surgery so there is that fear. Love the post and very well written.
I don’t judge you Veronica, but didn’t anyone ever tell you about Natural Family Planning? (NFP) It a natural method of birth regulation completely approved by the Catholic Church, and IT IS NOT the rhythm method. Done correctly it is MORE effective than the pill. I thank you for respecting the Catholic position but sorry you took this step. I am a Catholic theologian and a strong supporter of NFP. I am a single man and lost my fertility to prostate cancer, and it was one of the worst things that ever happened to me to lose that beautiful faculty to give life. For more on NFP go here: http://www.ccli.org/ I hope no one else will consider this step without first looking into NFP.
God bless you,
John
John, why bother with NFP if you know 100% that you don’t want any more kids? If your belief system allows for sterilization there is no reason to look at NFP and no reason to have any “accidental” pregnancies. I know I am fully aware of NFP but can’t be bothered …sterilization is much easier and you never have to think about it again.
Tiffany-I know I can’t speak for all, but I DO know several people who have taken such steps.
For me, and going off what they have shared w/ me, making such a permanent step, especially st such a young age, is the concern.
First of all, there are health risks involved. Bottom line is, doing a tubal or other is a form of mutilating one’s body. I don’t write that to cause rolling of the eyes, but it’s true, and it doesn’t go w/o side effects.
Furthermore, why such a drastic step at such a young age? I would hate to NOT leave room for changing my mind.
What I took John to say is that there are such other effective methods out there, making it possible enough to avoid conception while still respecting the human body to the level it should be respected.
Does that make any sense?
I’d hate for someone to “not be bothered” as you said.
Sure, sex is for pleasure, but it’s a deep happening that SHOULD involve many emotions, regardless of baby-planning or not. How is that a bother? I’d see it as a full emotional experience.
I see it just the opposite way. By taking the step to sterilize myself when I know for SURE I don’t want any other children I am eliminating stress in my life. That deep emotional experience can be felt without the nagging feeling in the background that we are going to get pregnant when that is the last thing we want. Personally I know it will create more opportunity for those experiences since we won’t have that hanging over our heads. It will only become a lighter, more carefree experience.
The elimination of that stress (and it is a stress for me) is a big benefit. So in my mind choosing NFP for the next 20-30 years would be more of a bother and certainly not a stress reducer.
Excellent post. You were indeed brave to write it, but you also wrote it so so well.
What an interesting discussion.
I love how respectfully you’ve shared other women’s points of view.
For me, I do not plan to have any more children, but I’d be too scared to have any procedures done.
[…] She says: … we had decided that our current three-month-old would be our last baby. At Thanksgiving, I found my heartfelt prayer was “Thank you, God, that I am not pregnant.” […]
Sharon, obviously we have different beliefs on this issue. I think it is okay to shut the door on fertility; you don’t.
As for NFP – since it relies on taking a woman’s temperature before any major muscle movements (we used NFP for two years) it is very impractical for a household with a nursing baby. I instinctively get up when my baby cries; I do not reach for a thermometer, pop it in my mouth, wait five minutes, write down the temp and THEN pick up the baby. If that works for you, fine, but don’t overplay its practicality.
what a great topic and I agree with so many of the other comments ~ you are brave!
I am not nearly close to having to make a decision about not having children as we have just one now. I was a “lonely only”, so somewhat of a basketball team is what I have been praying for 🙂
But when it comes time, I pray I will have the clarity and confidence you seem to have with your decision!
Well, Tiffany, you really hit on THE big question. What is a belief system? Is it a way of conducting my life according to what I WANT (at the moment) and don’t want? Or is it a way of conducting my life according to what is TRUE? I don’t mean “true for you, true for me” I mean actually TRUE. What IS, with or without my feelings or wants and desires? I am not God, (even to myself!) God (and truth) is independent of me and for my life not to end up on the rocks I want to conform it to the reality He created. Not what I want at the moment (which may change). Not everything I want is necessarily good for me.
For example, I live in Oklahoma, and God forbid anything like this happen to you, or anyone else, but there was a woman who lost her two little boys in the OKC bombing. She was divorced and had had a tubal ligation. The tragedy brought she and her ex back together and a kindly doctor stepped forward and offered to reverse the procedure.
As to your other question “Why bother?” As many women have testified to me, there are other benefits to NFP than just avoiding an inconvenient child. For example, the Pill places all the responsibility of the woman, whereas NFP involves the husband’s intimate participation which naturally brings the couple closer through increased communication. NFP also helps couples to conceive who have been having trouble doing so.
I would also argue that contraception damages marriages in terms of communication and intimacy. I even wrote an article about this called “Contraception the Love Killer” which can be seen here:http://www.hli.org/article_contraception_love_killer.html
I appreciate the respectful comments.
John
We decided with the doctors during the pregnancy of my twins, that I would not have anymore children. We already had an older son and it was concluded by some of the best specialists around that I would not survive another pregnancy. However it took DH and me another 5 years to do anything about it. He choose to go in. We have a wonderful family of 5 and feel very blessed and have not regretted anything.
Thank you for writing this! I am in the process of making decisions about my fertility, and while I am sure I am done having babies (my blood pressure makes future pregnancies ill advisable), it seems everyone else out there has an opinion about my options 🙁 It’s a hard thing to discuss, thank you..
With all due respect, we have to call things by their real names: Tiffany’s attitude is inherently selfish, and she is an icon of her selfish generation. Read her first entry (#4)and her others, and you see a proliferation of “I” “me” and “my”. It’s all about her isn’t it? Her comfort, her convenience, her lack of stress, etc. One wonders if the kids she has were ever consulted about wanting a brother or sister or if she ever bothered to ask God what the size of her family should be. Her position is just Planned Parenthood-speak.
I have friends who have chosen to have as many kids as God wills. I have been told be them (her) that I am telling God what is going to happen. However I feel the sense that God has given me discernment according to what I can handle. I have always wanted a big family BUT when I was 19 after a visit to china I realized that I didn’t have to have a big family by naturally having my own kids. Adoption has always been a part of my plans.
That being said i will end my fertility as well. Here’s why.
a. I know having kids so close together is dangerous for both me and my baby my kids are 14 and sixteen months apart)–BTW Nursing really ISN’T a good birth control..I knew that going into it
b. I carry a clotting disorder that prevents me from taking ANYTHING that has estrogen in it. (My cousin had her first stroke at 28-the same age I am now) She was on something and had no idea she carried the disease. Genetically women in my family carry it. I carry it and both of my cousin’s young daughters carry and to date NO ONE else has been tested. this means that I can’t even take regular hormone therapy when I eventually go through menopause and finally
c. I could be the poster child for why Birth control methods outside of medication DON’T work (I mean they work for some BUT not for me)
I even took progestin the non-estrogen based BC pill (mini Pill) and nine months later baby #3..I followed the instructions to the T..Same with The timing method and all the rest
I think when it comes right down to it we need to use the wisdom and good sense God has given to us. We know our limits and boundaries why push past that? With my circumstances we have decided to also wait until i am 30 B/c of high elevated risks for age and stroke with blood clots and stroke. ALSO I have a Christian Midwife who we spent much time consulting after child #3 was born. Having a child every year can be VERY terrible for ones body. Even if you eat a perfect diet and take all the right vitamins we discussed how dangerous it becomes. If I waited longer I could end up having 15 kids by the time I am 40 add another 10 to that by the time I’m 50..not to mention twins run in my family and the chance of twins does up after thirty-five. All in all I know my husband and I have made the right choice for us beyond the shadow of a doubt!
Thanks for pointing people to many views, expressed in different ways. As a practicing Catholic, my opinion tends to fall in line with Jen’s at Conversion Diary. It is not always easy to use NFP. Right now, in fact, we are on the very cautious plan because my fertility is just returning after my fifth baby. It would be easier to just take a pill or use a barrier method, but I know that is not what God wants from us. I’m not the type to tell others what or how to think, though. Reading your post and the comments of others and some of the links has been thought-provoking. Thanks for being honest and real.
A gracious and graceful post, Veronica. Well done.
Thank you so much for your transparency, Veronica. I, too, chose tubal ligation after the birth of my second child. For me, it was simple. I felt my family was complete.
Ironically, two years later I had to have a hysterectomy.
I will admit that for the two years between my decision and the medical emergency that ensued, I questioned my decision.
Still, my husband and I both knew in our hearts, two children made us a complete family.
Honestly, had I wanted more than two children, I would have chosen adoption. My feeling is, if you want a large family, and you want the experience of carrying and delivering a biological child, do it, but remember the children that need you…the children you didn’t give birth to.
My children are grown now and they are both wonderful adults, parents and contributors to society. I feel like I did my part.
Had I had children until I could no longer conceive, I have no doubt I couldn’t have spread myself that thin.
I’m proud that I raised two beatiful daughters and I’m not ashamed that I stopped at two. I knew my own personal limits, and because I didn’t exceed them, I was (and still am) a good mother.
Thank you for opening up your heart and sharing such a personal event in your life. 4 babies in 5 years; you are blessed. My husband and I have been trying for 3 years, and still nothing. We can’t afford to go the IVF route, so we are trying to be satisfied to just keep trying. This time of year it’s hard though. I respect your decision, your reasoning and your thoughts. Thank you again for being so willing to share. Bless you and your babies!
I think it’s also important to keep in mind that God is bigger than birth control. I am a Christian, not Catholic, and I believe that birth control can be God-honoring, so I don’t have a problem with Christians using it. I’m years (and hopefully many children) away from ending my fertility, but my husband and I are trying to decide when we would like to have another baby…and when I’ve been praying about it, God just seems to keep bringing me back to the fact that He is in control. If we choose to use birth control & He wants us to have a baby, we’ll have a baby. If we decide to try for a baby, and it’s not in His timing, it won’t happen. No baby is ever a mistake or an accident.
We’re done. Another pregnancy could actually kill me. My husband had a vasectomy so that I didn’t have to have another surgery (as I’ve had too many anyway).
I need to be alive to be present for my living children. Another pregnancy would not be conducive to that and, as such, our family is complete.
Your post is so dear to me. God blessed us with three beautiful children. All were c-sections, the last 2 at a Catholic hospital. Although I was frustrated that they couldn’t just fix my right there while I was open, I’m grateful, because we wouldn’t have our little girl. Just 10 days after our middle one, we had decided to have another. Funny thing is I just told my doctor on the operating table I was D-O-N-E! I always thought I would only have 2. (BTW, all 3 of my children prove birth control is not 100% – we tried for NONE of them). I love that you said, “How could I say no to a baby?” Our little Peyton just fits. She completes our family. However, we had been discussing it again, and then my oldest was diagnosed with Type I Diabetes. Now that I’ve been diagnosed with Lupus, it’s official. Hubby will have the little procedure done in the spring. And we’re discussing adopting in a year.
Veronica-
Just to be clear, the temp-taking method is only ONE method of NFP. Unfortunately most people don’t take it upon themselves to learn more, as this seems the case.
We started out w/ that method, too. Like you, I respond to every cry my baby makes thru the night. Consequently the Sympto-thermal (temp) method quickly was not reliable for us.
FORTUNATELY there are many advances that have been made in NFP. We learned the mucus-only method and that’s a lifesaver. There is Creighton, Billings, Marquette…just to name a few. I have not taken my temp in 5 years. I HATE temp-charting.
There is also the OvaCue fertility monitor which is a godsend.
I am not saying my way is the only way. However, I hate to hear so many false notions and misconceptions on NFP. Most of the time it’s coming from a source that does not know of the advances made in this area, such as here, where NFP was automatically associated w/ temp taking.
God knows NFP would not work for us if I was taking my temp to determine fertility!
just reading “4 babies in 5 years” makes me tired! 🙂
This would not be something I could do, but I understand how others choose this option.
My sister had it done after her last pregnancy (with twins) and although she says she wanted to do it, the decision was primarily her husbands. she often comments to me that I am lucky to still be able to have kids, which makes me sad for her.
Veronica. I respect your point of view. I am Catholic and so I do not know what I will do when I am done having children. We are expecting one more in the spring/summer and after that I just do not know. I know we really only plan on having three and this will be our third but…. we make plans and God laughs. 🙂 So, we will see. Although, as far as I am concerned it would be Hubby getting the surgery not me. 🙂 I hope you are feeling well Veronica.
Thanks for your honesty with this. You do have to weigh your feelings and it is OK to decide to stop having children. Any sterilization procedure is surgery and shouldn’t be entered into flippantly. Also surgeries can fail and you can be “surprised”. We had decided to have my tubes tied when my second child was born…I was of “advanced maternal age” and we felt that our family was complete. However, after the birth and surgery (which I recovered quickly from) I had a pulmonary embolism that they weren’t sure if it was from pregnancy or the abdominal surgery. None of it should be taken lightly for the sake of your spouse and children.
Carrie of Ceaseless Praises writes: “I believe that birth control can be God-honoring, so I don’t have a problem with Christians using it.” When the Bible commands married couples to “be fruitful and multiply” where does that leave the Bible-believing Christian? How can a Christian use it in good conscience? Carrie gives no biblical support whatsoever to her belief in birth control except that she happens to believe it on her own authority. (It is actually the authority of Planned Parenthood that she is basing her logic on.) This is the ultimate in sentimentality. How exactly is birth control “God-honoring,” Carrie? It is not apparent in any of the pro-birth control, pro-sterlization posts above that anyone believes in God’s plan for life. It is all about lifestyle and premised upon entirely subjective reasons. I’m sorry, but flimsy reasoning like, “I feel my family is complete” is not a justification for destroying the sacred gift of fertility that is entrusted to married people as stewards.
I’m very torn on the subject and have mixed feelings. Probably because I was raised Catholic but was a practicing Lutheran when I married my Pentecostal hubby! LOL
And yet, after years of infertility including several embarrassing, humiliating, and painful appointments, procedures, and experiences including miscarriages (during which we struggle with our faith, struggle as newlyweds, and struggled with the appearance of fighting what might be God’s will that we were not meant to have children), I was blessed with Flicka. Then, miraculously, after being told I would probably never conceive again, I found myself pregnant while still nursing Flicka and Pojke arrived 9 months later.
I’m now a few weeks shy of 41 with 2 children 4 and under. And, DaHubby and I want more children but have to face the obvious fact it may not be possible. And, yet again it is so hard to “give up” the remotest possibility of something I had pursued for so long.
But a decision will have to be made soon. The pressure and contradiction of feelings of whether we are “done” is intertwining and creeping into our everyday life and marriage just as trying to conceive did several years ago. I will not put my marriage at risk again and pray daily for God’s guidance for DaHubby and I for this decision.
My feelings fluctuate regularly about whether or not I want more children. One day, I’ll desperately want to plan for a new baby, and the next(due to ever-present mommy guilt), I’ll tell myself that if I can barely handle the two I have, it would be unfair to have another child. I opted for the Mirena IUD last year, which means no kids (or .001% chance) for us…at least for now. I think there’s a very strong chance that we will decide the time is right in the future for an addition to the family. Eventually, though, I think we’ll take a more permanent step. I think it will be a vasectomy rather than a tubal, because it’s such a less invasive surgery.
I applaud you, Veronica, and all the commenters who have responded respectfully, for having the courage to express their beliefs and decisions in such a positive way. 🙂
Huh.
We sort of practice NFP by tracking cervical fluid. I don’t even know where my thermometer is.
This is due as much to philosophical as theological reasons. I’m far too Heideggerian in my stance towards technology to undertake any chemical or surgical birth control. The human body is more than merely matter to be manipulated (I tried to make that not so alliterative, but I haven’t had coffee yet. sorry). Which is not to say I resist all technology as applied to the human body– yay, sonograms!– just that I think we need to be really, really careful about it.
From what I know of Veronica, though, I’m willing to give her the credit for being careful. She’s one of the last people who’d undertake a decision of this gravity merely because of convenience. 🙂
I’m actually more interested in the questions raised in the comments about civil discourse and public (is it public?) rhetoric than about birth control. This may be a blog post…
Veronica,
Boy your article was like a walk through my past. I will never forget the day I had to call my doctor and change my appointment from the consultation for a tubal ligation to a prenatal visit. It was a shocking surprise to find out I was pregnant with my 4th child when my third child was only a few months old.
I had my tubal ligation the morning after I gave birth and it has been almost 6 years since then. I think, for me, it was the right choice. I am the mother of 4 beautiful children that I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home and care for. I have 2 boys and 2 girls and I am so thankful to have been given such a gift.
It may be the “end of an era” but the beginning of so many new adventures for you and me. I truly believe that!
All the Best in the New Year,
Kitty
I chose tubal ligation because I was in a terrible marriage and had already found myself pregnant when I tried to make the break. (Two previous children with him, so this was the third, and I had been on birth control when I got pregnant.) It was the perfect decision at the time.
But later, I got remarried to a wonderful man and it breaks my heart that I can’t have children with him.
I think this is a personal decision for every woman, for every couple. It’s not an easy one, that’s for sure!
great post! we’re (hopefully) not done having children yet – but even when we’ve decided to no longer TRY for more, i think whether to end fertility will be a difficult decision. only because i love being pregnant and i LOVE LOVE LOVE babies… how could i want to purposefully stop myself from having more? but maybe when i have four i will feel more ‘done’ 🙂 only time will tell!
Fr. Tom Euteneuer you are the entire reason why religion gets a bad rep. The decision to not have any more children is the epitomy of selfish? No judgement in that is there? I know, I know…if I was a good person I would consider everyone’e needs but my own…even the unborn. Any move to make your self happy is surely sinful. Get a life.
Well written post. I am off to check some of those links!
What a heartfelt post and it seems to have touched quite a few people also, I made the decision in 95 that three was enough for me and had my first tubal and went about raising my children but to my and my hubby’s surprise in 2007 we had our fourth and I had the tubal done again, to me it’s not an end to fertility but peace of mind because life will find a way if it’s meant to be so please move forward with no regrets and enjoy the children you have for they are the greatest gift not just to yourself but for the world as a whole.