Betty’s Seal of Approval

By Veronica

She is an old woman, tiny and bent, with white hair and enormous glasses. Her name is Betty. She is the dragon of the Fellowship Hour.

Every Sunday our church has a feast of potluck snacks after the worship service. We crowd into the Fellowship Hall and stand in line for our chance at the food table, and then sit and eat and chat with our neighbors. At least, we are supposed to. Parents of small children have a little difficulty focusing. We always have one eye out for a child dashing out the door, or tackling another child, or poking sticky fingers into a coffeecake.

And sometimes – okay, every time – after the children finish eating, they pop out of their seats and race around the hall. Betty does not like this. She is understandably concerned that an elderly person might fall  and get hurt. So every Sunday Betty grabs a random offender, bends even farther down, and shakes her finger at the child. She rebukes them thoroughly and commands them to stop running.

Betty likes children. Supposedly. I suspect she likes fictional children, the Pollyannas and the Little Lord Fauntleroys, sweet and happy and crisply dressed. Betty is not so crazy about real children, or their real parents, who have failed to produce storybook-quality offspring. And Betty is not close-mouthed about her disapproval.

So you can imagine how excited I was when I rounded up snacks for my children on Sunday and realized that the only free chairs in the entire hall were next to Betty. I groaned a little inside, but escorted my young ones into the empty chairs and we all sat down to eat and chat.

Immediately Sweetpea knocked over her punch onto the white tablecloth. Yikes. But Betty said nothing. We all ate our snacks and I talked to Betty about the neighborhoods we have lived in. She has seen a lot of changes over the years, and local history interests me, so we were enjoying our conversation.

And then she leaned over to me and said, “Your children are so well-behaved. I am so glad you have taught them to sit still. Not like some of these other parents.”

My jaw almost fell off. On any other day, I might have been one of the “other parents,” but currently my girls were sitting in almost beatific stillness. They must have really wanted those snacks.

I recovered, and we talked a little while longer, and then it was time to go. I gathered up children, coats and accessories without incident.

Betty’s vision is too poor to recognize my children two weeks in a row, so by next Sunday she will not remember that she praised them. Next week, like previous weeks, she will be angry that my children act like children. But maybe I can be a little more patient with Betty next time if I’m giggling over the memory of the day she thought my girls were angels.

Because this day is not likely to be repeated.

When her children are not being beatific, Veronica blogs about it at Toddled Dredge.

11 Responses to Betty’s Seal of Approval
  1. Toddled Dredge » Blog Archive
    December 16, 2008 | 11:55 am

    […] 5MFP post is up today.  In it I describe my latest encounter with a church grouch.  A church grouch other than me, that is.  The details might surprise […]

  2. Beck
    December 16, 2008 | 1:13 pm

    There’s an old lady like that at my church, too! And she can’t keep my kids straight, despite our having a teeny weeny congregation…

  3. Barb
    December 16, 2008 | 2:18 pm

    My ds’s (age 3 and 5 at the time) had been angelic for hours while visiting an elderly great aunt, who also happened to be a Nun and lived in a nursing home for nuns, and we were praised by everyone.

    Eventually however, they started to goof around and wrestle with each other. I apologized and said, “Well, they’re not always angels.”

    To this our aunt responded wisely, “Then you thank God that they’re normal.”

    My children are often very normal.

  4. Patois
    December 16, 2008 | 2:42 pm

    I howled at “I suspect she likes fictional children, the Pollyannas and the Little Lord Fauntleroys.” Our other priest — the lady one — is just like that.

  5. Rachel
    December 16, 2008 | 5:56 pm

    Better be careful. . . I hear Betty’s a loyal and avid blog reader. 😉

  6. stephaniesmommybrain
    December 16, 2008 | 6:36 pm

    We always create a stir in public – 4 kids 5 years and under. And almost always I get comments about how well behaved my children are. I always want to ask if they’ve been watching the same kids I have!

  7. Jen
    December 17, 2008 | 12:20 am

    Gosh, this scenario could have almost exactly described the monthly potluck Sunday at a church we used to attend. Every Sunday, without fail, the kids were racing around the fellowship hall while older parents (who apparently blocked the first five years of their childrens’ lives from their memory) scowled at them. Glad to hear you got on Betty’s good side, at least for one Sunday.

  8. suburbancorrespondent
    December 17, 2008 | 7:21 pm

    I love when my kids make me look good in public.

  9. Jennifer
    December 19, 2008 | 11:05 pm

    That is so funny… oh, the pressure of an old person.

    I feel the need to say a public “thank you” to the old people at my church even though they will never read this: kids have been pretty welcome, and the old people have been pretty kind. Not to rub it in or anything, but it does give one hope to think that we are not all doomed to become the mean old people I used to think before I moved here. 🙂

    Jen

  10. Celexa Dose
    April 1, 2012 | 5:12 am

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