Not the Year for Currier and Hives

By Megan

‘Tis the the season to drive myself crazy trying to do it all and do it all perfectly, tied up in a fluffy red velvet bow and scented with a potpourri of oranges, cinnamon and cloves.

This time last year I was well over my head in holiday hoo-ha by now, and it wasn’t so much that I bit off more than I could chew, it was just that I didn’t know I’d be a few weeks pregnant and sick as the proverbial picturesque fireside hunting hound when the time came for all the chewing. But part of my desire to pack in as much of the Christmas chaos last year was that I knew this year, if I were a wise woman (I’m ever the optimist on that front!), I’d need to scale back and keep things sane, as I’d have a tiny baby to care for and I’d want him and Bean to have the best parts of me instead of a freaked-out Mama over-focused on delivering all the perfectionistic holiday falderal and under-focused on THEM.

And I’m going to stick to that plan. Instead of heaping a huge helping of Yuletide Stress and Strife on my plate, I’m going contrarian. I’m writing myself a Holiday Not To Do List, and I’m checkin’ it twice (daily) so as to curb my crazy need for everything to be exactly as I think it needs to be to be memorable and wonderful for everyone, and leave me plenty of time to sit peacefully by the tree with Bean, Peabody and Al, listening to our favorite Christmas music and just. enjoying. this. wonderful. time. together. PERIOD.

So it is without further preamble that I give you

Megan’s Holiday NOT TO DO List

1)  I will not make a gingerbread house from scratch over the course of four consecutive days worth afternoon naps WHEN I COULD BE NAPPING, MYSELF, IN ORDER TO UNGRINCHIFY MYSELF ON A DAILY BASIS. Instead, Bean and I will make a smallish batch of good old traditional gingerbread boys with raisin eyes together, which will make Bean happier and will prevent me from having to spend the entire Advent season saying, “Hello. Please do not lick the shingles. Or the doorstep.”

2)  I will not (although it breaks my heart not to because it’s become one of my favorite traditions) bake twelve dozen homemade ham biscuits to deliver to the neighbors on Christmas Eve morning. Instead, I will look very deeply into the eyes of these people who share their lives, their homes, their laughs and their families with me all year long and I will say, “I thank you for being a part of our lives, and for making all of our days richer and happier just by being you. And a Merry Christmas!”

3)  I will not painstakingly thread three pounds worth of tiny mother-of-pearl buttons onto brass wire to make wreath ornaments for every single person I have ever known. I will instead carefully select and purchase small, thoughtful gifts for my friends and family and hope they make everyone smile.

3a)  But I will not stress over what to buy anyone, and I will not allow lengthy deliberation over WHAT’S THE PERFECT, PERFECT GIFT FOR UNCLE GUS to have me backed into a corner on December 21st, causing me to rush around dusting off and wrapping up random items from my household to get SOMETHING THERE BY CHRISTMAS!

4)  I will not brush off Bean’s one bazillion holiday-related questions about everything from whether or not Jesus played ice hockey when he was a kid to Santa’s potential need to suck in his gut to get down our chimney because he’s so fat. I will listen to the questions intently, savor them carefully, and have a ball answering them. And then, inevitably, I will get to savor sixteen more questions brought on by my answers to the first one.

5)  I will not forget to take a picture of Al in his Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer beanie.

6)  I will not wait until Christmas Eve night to put together Bean’s new wooden easel, which, by the sound the box made when I hauled it down to a dark corner of the basement, has 4783 parts, most of them smaller than my thumbnail.

7)  I will not spend Christmas morning trying to create the perfect picture postcard moment. I will instead enjoy the moment that creates itself, and be IN that moment, instead of outside of it, wrestling the tripod, focusing the digital camera, resetting the iPod to the right song, wiping chocolate off of Bean’s cheek with my spitty finger (okay I don’t really do THAT) and asking Al to please pull up his pajama bottoms a little bit in the back.

8)  I will pick up a few little surprises for my OWN stocking. Because I have indeed been a very good girl this year, and I DO NOT WANT THAT FACT CALLED INTO QUESTION BY ANY SMARTY PANTS LITTLE FOUR YEAR OLDS WHO LIVE HERE BUT WHOM I WILL NOT MENTION BY NAME.

9)  I will not expect Peabody to realize this is Christmas morning and hold his customary sun-rise diaper blow-out until after present-opening time is over.

10)  I will not deny myself the pleasure of enjoying my family. Each one of these beautiful people God made. With their hair all askew and eye-boogers in their corners and their own ideas about what makes Christmas Day perfect, which may or may not include several hours of football on TV and a holiday platter full of plain old peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

So, what’s on your Not To Do List this holiday season?

(Oh, and you can find out what I AM doing at FriedOkra.)