By Cassie
Kids don’t come with instructions and neither does being a single parent. There is no one way to raise your child. No one to tell you how to handle each situation, each moment, each emotion. Sometimes it’s easy to find the answer. Sometimes that motherly instinct comes raging in to save the day. Sometimes it is a bit harder. Raising a child completely alone is hard. Raising a child with a person you no longer care for is even harder.
Aiden will become a big brother sometime in the next two weeks. (No I am not secretly nine months pregnant.) When I found out Aiden’s father was expecting another child, I was furious. Throughout the pregnancy we have gotten on somewhat better terms. Still my fears and anger have not been calmed.
My Fears:
Aiden is only two years old and was the first grandchild on both sides. He is used to having everyone’s undivided attention. I am afraid he will end up hurt or sad or left out and there is no way to protect him from this. I can give him all the love in the world but still his life is about to change in a big way and he is too young to even understand. I pray that his father is able to still give him the attention and love that he needs. Still it breaks my heart to think he may lose out in this deal.
My Anger:
When Aiden was born his father was not there. He did not come to the hospital to see him. He never saw Aiden until he was about three months old. I could deal with it. I had planned on doing it alone and was prepared for whatever would happen. However, watching his father be there step by step for this new baby breaks my heart. It still seems unfair all the work I had to do alone. It seems unappreciated in many ways. I sometimes just wish I could at least get a “good job.”
I pray that I can handle the changes to come with grace. I pray that I can calm Aiden’s fears as these changes come about. I wish sometimes that there was a book somewhere with instructions telling me exactly what to do. But there isn’t. So I guess as single parents we do what we do best. We wake up and make the breakfast and get the kids ready and live our day as best we can. Because if we don’t do what we have to, no one is there to pick up the slack.
Cassie is new to blogging at MessyFunMommyLife.
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I’m praying that God gives you the wisdom you need to walk on this journey. Aiden is young enough that he will probably adapt to the changes easier than you will. I was a child that had to deal with these types of things (although my circumstances were a lot different I think the feelings and experiences still come through the same) and I have to say that if you are there and you are constant and you are consistent that will go a long way towards helping him cope and grow up thinking he’s the luckiest boy alive to have a momma that loves him like you do.
This is poignant, Cassie. Parenting can be lonely under the best of circumstances. What you’re facing can be downright frightening. But as Blessed says, I bet your little boy will benefit from all the love you have to give.
While our circumstances were different, I too was very worried about how my then 2-year-old would deal with the addition of twin siblings, how he would handle the loss of attention, etc. He did great, and no longer remembers a time in his life when his siblings weren’t there. I know your situation is different, but I wanted to encourage you that Aiden is still really young and will learn to love and accept (and fight with and complain about) his new sibling as well. YOU are a constant in his life and a constant source of love; I’m sure he will continue to thrive.