Not Yet Bigger Than a Breadbox

By Veronica

At the baby’s check-up this week, the doctor and I were both surprised to find she was growing quite well. She is in the 81st percentile for weight, a definite first for this family of skinny babies. I could not be more pleased. I congratulated my breasts on all their hard work.

In HG Wells’ 1904 novel The Food of the Gods, clever scientists discover a dietary supplement that produces enormous growth. Instead of growing in spurts, the eater grows continuously at the same rapid rate, resulting in enormous size. Bees grow as big as dogs, and rats as big as lions! Grass grows taller than buildings! The world seems on the verge of a new era of gigantism.

One of these clever scientists sneaks the food into his infant son’s formula, with predictable results. He does not consult his wife on this matter; Wells implies that mothers are too sentimentally attached to their children to be trusted in Matters of Progress. So the boy becomes a giant, the mother cries at his bizarreness, and the father is ultimately vindicated when his son becomes one of the new breed of men, the next stage in human evolution.

I am not a believer in Progress, so maybe Wells was right. I do not particularly want my children to be the next stage in human evolution. I would like them to be kind and responsible, and I am okay with ordinary. I am unquestionably sentimental enough to value goodness over brilliance. HG Wells, for all his brilliance, was kinda a jerk.

I am thrilled with the growth of my normal, healthy baby, but my dreams for her are more about the character I want her to have than the people I want her to impress. A Nietschian Superman probably wouldn’t visit his mother in the nursing home.

Besides, a colossus baby would be awfully hard to house, especially in the city. And I don’t even want to think about the diapers.


When Veronica is not indulging her penchant for early science fiction novels, she can be found blogging at Toddled Dredge.

9 Responses to Not Yet Bigger Than a Breadbox
  1. Courtney
    November 4, 2008 | 10:59 am

    Your baby is just too sweet. That smile is contagious. I think our dream as mommies is to be able to keep them small for as long as we can. This is the only time in their life were they will depend completely on us to protect them and we love that!

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  3. Cyndi
    November 4, 2008 | 2:36 pm

    Yes, as long as they are healthy, what I want for them is to be good and kind God-fearing adults.

  4. Lizz
    November 4, 2008 | 7:21 pm

    Loved this! I agree completely.

    And your line of congratulating your breasts was hilarious!

  5. Happy Geek
    November 4, 2008 | 9:23 pm

    Oh man. What a gorgeous little girl. I too value goodness over brilliance. Brillance is too often subverted.

  6. Shalee
    November 5, 2008 | 12:50 am

    I’ll take goodness, kindness and, most importantly, a deep love for God, which should help to cover all the other character traits.

    She is adorable… simply adorable. What a brilliant smile!

  7. All Rileyed Up
    November 6, 2008 | 2:36 am

    What an adorable smile. Looks like a happy a baby. And I would never wish for a Nietschian Superman child. Ever.

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