A Dose of Humor – If My Life Had a Running Commentary

A Dose of Humor5 Minutes for Parenting’s weekly column, A Dose of Humor, is here to remind you to take your humor pill regularly as the best medicine to treat the side effects of parenting! It features a different blogger every week and is hosted by Rachel at Grasping for Objectivity in My Subjective Life.

Jessica Riley  is a writer and an at-home mother to two children – one with autism, one with attitude. Ergo, her life is never in want of adventures on the home front. She says that “my greatest regret in life is that I never became a ninja. I could’ve been good. Chuck Norris style good.” She has blogged at All Rileyed Up since 2006.

If her life had a running commentary as told by a Sports announcer. . .

You might have heard any of these remarks over the course of my visit with the vet today:

1. Looks like Riley is headed for the vet’s office with both dogs and both kids. She’s overdue for that rabies vac. I’m thinking she might run into some trouble if any dogs show up from opposing teams.

2. Then we’re definitely in for some excitement. Not only are there two poodles in the waiting room, there’s two more jumped up dogs lingering around the exam rooms! I predict lots of barking in the near future.

3. Just listen to all that noise in the lobby! Those dogs are going wild!

4. Heh, heh, those aren’t just dogs. It seems Little No Limit wants to eat the dog biscuits. Kind of reminds me of that water bowl incident of 2005.

5. What’s that they’re saying to Riley? Two emergencies are taking up all the exam rooms? Looks like more time on the bench.

6. Uh oh, some bad news coming for Riley. Notorious F.O.X. might have ringworm! That does explain that thing on Riley’s neck that she thought was a pimple that wasn’t going away.

7. Okay, things are looking better. Her Name is Rio is finishing off her visit. Nothing wrong with her but a little tartar on the teeth, which comes as no shock to Riley who doesn’t even own a dog toothbrush.

8. Heck, she doesn’t even enforce daily tooth brushing with her kids. Nobody’s thinking she’s brushing the dog’s teeth.

9. Hey, looks like the office is presenting her with a bill for $282. 75. Riley does not look happy. I hope she knows that next week, she’s going to get hit with late fees on those dog license renewals.

10. That’ll teach her to procrastinate. Things are wrapping up now. Another typical visit to the vet for Riley-wait… wait… what’s going on here? The Boy is throwing Riley for a loop! What’s that he’s saying? Potty? How is she going to manage this one? She can’t bring Notorious F.O.X. back into the office because she has ringworm, but she can’t leave the dogs outside either! This could be good.

11. I don’t believe it. She is telling The Boy to wait and he couldn’t be more angry! I have seen it all!

12. Actually, no. The vet office has offered to hold the dogs outside while Riley takes The Boy in. What a lucky break.

13. I tell you what – this has been one eventful trip to the vet. Riley got thrown a ton of curve balls, and she still came out calm enough that when she left, the vet assistant said, “You are so patient. I mean that. In fact, you’re my idol.”

And that’s the game.

This article was originally published on June 1, 2007 at All Rileyed Up.

If you would like to be considered for featuring in A Dose of Humor, email Rachel for more details at DoseOfHumor (at) gmail (dot) com.

6 Responses to A Dose of Humor – If My Life Had a Running Commentary
  1. All Rileyed Up
    October 25, 2008 | 4:57 am

    Thanks for including me!

  2. Gill
    October 25, 2008 | 7:22 am

    ROFL brilliant! Sounds like one eventful trip though! You made me laugh out loud 🙂

  3. Heather of the EO
    October 25, 2008 | 11:00 am

    That was simply brilliant! So much fun. Thank you for starting my day with a laugh!

  4. Cris Cohen
    October 26, 2008 | 12:00 am

    Based on my own experiences with similar occurrences, another line could be, “Impressive dedication from this young athlete who just yesterday was sidelined with a groin injury, a result of an illegal clip by a fellow player swinging an Elmo doll.”

  5. […] The vet is on the same block I live on, on the opposite corner, and across the street. It only takes a few minutes to walk there, or a half hour depending on how distracted the children are (Look, leaves! Look, a car! Look, a speck on the sidewalk!). It was my first visit to the vet with both children, since this visit. […]

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