The Scariest Post I Have Ever Written

By  Beck

I have way too many small animal encounters of the horrifying kind. I wrote recently of what a spider did to me and it was just AWFUL so let’s not rehash it and this WOULD be the one year anniversary TO THE DAY of that time I found the dead mouse in the office. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. Oh, I have to go curl up in a corner just thinking about it. And this is the WORST THING I’VE EVER HEARD, so I’m going to share it – I was told the following story this week at playgroup:

The woman’s sister had rented a house and it was her first night in her new home. She was cuddled up in her bed, and her cat was being extra friendly and nuzzling her feet. How pleasant! It even chewed her feet a bit in a friendly, ticklish cat fashion.

AND THEN HER CAT CAME INTO THE ROOM.

And what was her little bedtime companion?

A RAT. A GREAT BIG RAT.

I literally screamed when she told me this story. I just do not have words to express how horrifying I find it. I think I may have post-traumatic stress now because of hearing it.

I’ve taken to throwing back the blankets and sheets dramatically and shouting AH HA! to scare off any rats* or spiders that might have taken residence, but I think I’m going to have to step things up a bit. You know how some women spray their sheets with lavender goop before bedtime? (I don’t actually KNOW anyone who does this, but I’ve heard of it.) I’m going to do the same thing, but with PEPPER SPRAY. It can’t burn my eyes if I’m sleeping, right?

*I have never seen a rat anywhere even near my house. But you never know.

I just read this post to my husband and he told me another story – one time he was staying at a friend’s camp and they settled down for the night when my husband heard SOMETHING under his pillow.

RUN! RUN FROM THE BUILDING, MY YOUNG NOT-YET HUSBAND!

He lifted up his pillow. DON’T LOOK! RUN!

And there was a nest full of baby mice. Which is a bit anti-climactic, isn’t it? Being the man I eventually would marry, he gently relocated them to another part of the cabin, the end. He doesn’t understand the FULL HORROR of rodents, apparently. If I was the Rat Woman, I would still be running into the night to this day, my cat tucked safely under my arm.

Find Beck blogging at Frog And Toad Are Still Friends.