My Daughter Helped Me Face My Fear

By Sarah Fader

My feelings about labor during my second pregnancy were vastly different from the way I felt about it during my first pregnancy. When I was pregnant the first time around, with Ari, labor was an abstract concept. I knew it would be painful, but I hadn’t experienced what that truly meant.

I was scared of labor this time around, with Samara, because I knew how painful labor could be and I was planning on a home birth. I wanted the home birth badly, but I was also petrified of natural childbirth; how much it would hurt and the possibility that I would feel out of control.

When I made the decision to transfer back to my old OB and have my labor induced in the hospital, after being in early labor for a week, I allowed my mind and my body to relax. Once I made up my mind about the induction, my body took over and I went into labor on my own. I didn’t need to be induced!

After my water broke, I had absolutely no control over what was happening to my body and I was scared out of my mind.

My acupuncturist told me that when he saw his wife in active labor, her eyes looked different. It was as if her mind wasn’t present, her body was running the show.

This is how I felt when I was in labor. I never experienced active labor with Ari. This was a totally new feeling.

My body had taken over and all I could do was go along for the ride. In life, I hate roller coasters, they make me feel out of control. This labor was a real life roller coaster and Samara was operating the controls.

She forced me to face my fear, to confront natural childbirth. I know what it is to have a baby naturally now, and my daughter is the one who forced me to face my fear. Perhaps this is a part of her role in life, to help others face their fears.

What did you childbirth teach you about yourself?

Sarah Fader records anecdotes from her daily life at at Old School New School Mom. She also currently runs blog workshops for elementary school children in New York City and provides freelance transcription services for major television networks, in between running after a two year old.

28 Responses to My Daughter Helped Me Face My Fear
  1. Christie
    February 11, 2011 | 1:20 pm

    Sarah, I love reading your posts; they take me back to the early days of motherhood the second time around.

    I had a similar experience with my second daughter — a roller coaster labour and completely natural childbirth. Utterly terrifying at the time and almost four years later I still remember quite vividly how it felt, physically and emotionally.

    Giving birth the second time reminded me that I wasn’t alone in this. My husband and my mom were there with me and they calmed me and reassured me and gave me the confidence I needed to see it through. I still depend on them for all of those things and I’m there for them when they need me too. It’s a team effort and we are all so blessed that we have each other to lean on and learn from.

    It’s wonderful to read that Samara’s birth has had such a positive effect on you!

  2. melissa aka equidae
    February 12, 2011 | 7:31 am

    i was completely different. looking forward to my 2nd natural birth. i felt more in control this time as i mastered more breathing relaxation and i would prefer anytime labour to the actual pregnancy

  3. Candace
    February 22, 2011 | 1:01 am

    Child birth taught me that I am strong and much stronger than what I thought I was. I had a natural, hospital birth. My husband was there by my side and really help me stay calm. Of course, I have only given birth once and hope to not ever give birth again…..lol

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