Why I don’t (read: can’t) have an iPhone

By Sarah Bessey

There are a lot of people that think I’m absolutely bonkers because I have a blog. They think I’m one of those crazy Internet people, a constantly connected technology person.

From my perspective, I’m a fairly reasonable (most of the time) person that monitors their use and time of technology judiciously. I go days without the TV on. We have very basic cable without the fancy-schmancy HDTV with access to BBC Canada or HGTV (both easily could be my downfall…). I am picky about what I read, even more picky about what I subscribe to online. I reply to emails usually once a week. I write all of my blog posts on Sundays and then schedule them to post throughout the week. I respond to comments one evening a week. I only get online a few times a day, typically when the tinies are in bed. I only recently got a cell phone and it does not have Internet access. On purpose.

When I am out and about, when I am at the playground or the grocery store, driving or waiting in the midwife’s office, there is no phone to distract me, no games to play, no email to check. I am fully unplugged for a large portion of my life. And same goes for the tinies. There are no iPhone bubbles to pop or videos to watch. They are among those extremely hard-pressed children without any TV in the vehicle. They are forced to play or talk or sulk.

And it’s become my pet peeve, the thing that makes me feel a little sad or irritated, depending on the situation. Because, here we are at the park and the quiet baby is in the swing and dad is pushing with one hand but texting with the other.

And here comes a mother with her toddler, dragging behind her morosely, while she yaks animatedly on her phone.

And here we are again and we’re out for dinner with friends and they are constantly looking at their iPhones, checking every time it pings, every few moments, and I am left feeling like they are just hanging out or visiting with me until something better or more interesting comes along.

Eye contact and attention seem like such a gift to give these days.

And I don’t feel smug because the truth is, that if I have the iPhone, I’m pretty sure that would be me. I know that there are a lot of people with a lot more personal discipline than me, the people that have them but the smart phone or the access or the connection doesn’t have them. They are able to be fully present and still have their iPhone and they swear that it has saved their work, their productivity, their sanity.

But I know I’m not one of them.

Once, my daughter saw something scary. She immediately clapped her hands over her eyes and, when asked what in the world she was doing, informed me that she was “guarding her gates” like her Papa and Granny taught her to do. She had been told by my parents (thank God for involved grandparents!) that if something ever bothered her or frightened her or just didn’t feel right to her heart, to close her eyes and ears to it so that it couldn’t come into her heart. (Full story is here, if you’re interested.)

Ever since then, I think about many aspects of my life that way. I guard my gates – my heart, my mind, my thoughts, my time – against the things that threaten my peace or sanity, the things that compromise the woman and mother I yearn to become.

And so I don’t have an iPhone because I’m guarding the gates of my attention and time with my tinies.

I’m pretty sure I’d be bored at the playground (because sometimes I am) and I’d check Twitter or I’d start working on a blog post while waiting to pick up at preschool. I am pretty sure I’d be checking at the grocery store to see if any new comments came in on that post that I absolutely loved to write. I am pretty sure I’d be at supper and I’d set the phone on the table, like a challenge, glancing at it every few moments to see if something cool or interesting has changed on its screen.

It wouldn’t be good for me – or my family – to be so connected.

I need the tactile world. I need to be fully engaged with my children and  my friends. I need to value my time for writing. I need to play at the playground and talk with my children while we wander, I need to make eye contact and listen to my husband while he talks. I need to knit and read books. I’d miss the moments because life is already busy and cluttered enough without the constant connections and constant entertainments.

So even though I love this aspect of my life, this tweeting/Facebooking/blogging/emailing connection, this sense of community and support that I have found and (hopefully) contribute towards, I kind of like keeping it as an aspect of my life.

It doesn’t bleed over into too much of my life or dominate too much of my time or attention and that is on purpose, by intent.

And there is also the fact that they cost hundreds of dollars. Yeah. That, too.

Sarah blogs at Emerging Mummy.

What about you? How do you maintain balance between the “real world” and the “virtual world” in your life? Do you have boundaries or wisdom to share with the rest of us?