By Tina
On Sean’s last birthday, my friend Marie gave Sean a toy that had 80 pieces to it. Eighty separate pieces. “Marie,” I said, “I thought you liked me.” Just for that, I cut her piece of cake small.
Did you know that when someone gives your child a birthday gift, the number of pieces that comprises said toy, directly correlates to the degree of fondness that person feels toward you? It’s true.
For example:
A one-piece toy translates to: I love you and your child and I would lie down on railroad tracks for you.
However, a one-piece toy that makes the kind of noise that drives the average house fly to fly into windows and commit Hari Kari means I love your child, but you on the other hand, still need to be punished for teething in 1961.
A two-piece toy: I like you enough to remember your kid’s birthday.
A three-piece toy: I’m just here for the cake.
Over three pieces, but less than ten: You are only slightly less annoying than Carrot Top.
Over ten pieces: I want to hurt you.
80+ pieces: I hate you with the fire of a thousand burning nuns suns.
Tina blogs at Antique Mommy.
This must be distributed to every one of my family members immediately…
Love it.
Steph
The ever better love is shown by the person who gives your child a consumable present–a gift card, or a magazine subscription, or some sort of activity.
That way they get to have fun, and you don’t have 15 new toys to add to the 1500 that they have.
I love people who give my kids craft kids that are instantly completely used up. Also good? People who give my kids Japanese candy.
Unfortunately, The Boy loves Lego and both girls love Littlest Pet Shop and so most of their toys come with over five BILLION pieces. I’m like “Just throw them on the floor of the playroom!”
Amen! I have already decreed that this Christmas NO ONE will give my children anything that makes noise or requires batteries. Violators will be defamed to the kids, and offending gifts returned to Wal-Schmucks or Noise’R’Us or wherever.
And I’m giving serious consideration to adding toys with too many pieces to the list of banned Christmas/birthday gifts–at least for my toddler (my son is a bit older and things like Legos keep him entertained for hours, and some things, honestly, are worth the compromise.)