I Love You More Than My Sunglasses

By Stephanie

Carter lost my sunglasses in Famous Footwear the other day. Doing some last minute shoe shopping (with no success), it was hot, I’m pregnant, and three boys shooting this way and that throughout a shoe store had me way over the edge. I will be honest- although I am also ashamed of it- I was ticked.

I was not nice. I did not say nice things. And I even revoked my promise to take them all to lunch. We went straight home.

I cooled off a bit and fixed a pleasant meal. I looked into the eyes of three little boys that really only want to make Mommy happy. And I told Carter I wasn’t upset anymore. The sunglasses do not matter. I love you more than my sunglasses.

His face brightened and at that moment I realized that he might have been thinking my sunglasses were way more important than they really were. Maybe even I had been thinking that. So silly, because obviously those cheapy sunglasses were completely replaceable. But my Carter is not.

And of course my perspective ebbs and flows and I found myself about to freak out about water spilled in the playroom the next day. But it’s just water. And it’s just carpet. It will dry and be forgotten about tomorrow. My reaction, however, might last forever in my child’s mind.

I want their biggest memories to be love. And forgiveness. And respect. I know that there will be correction and instruction and just being human on my part and theirs. But if the overall theme of their childhood can be loving and safe, that is my hope this very moment. May I remember it in the morning before the first word is spoken. And when I lie down at night I want to feel assured I’ve done well and loved well.

We get one more day. Another chance. More water. More sunglasses. Plenty of starting over. But we have only one of each other. We have only one heart. A heart that is impressionable, teachable, vulnerable… but not replaceable.

Stephanie Precourt blogs at Adventures In Babywearing.

Originally posted July 18, 2008.