Nine O’Clock and All is Not Well, But It Will Be

By Megan

I’ve been praying for a week about this day – just leaning on God to give me what I need to do what needs to be done for my little family from hour to hour on this, my first real, serious day as a mother of two. And as long as I haven’t worried or tried to think too far (longer than 10 minutes is too far) in advance, He’s given me peace and patience and love aplenty, and I am thankful not only for His grace in abundance today, but for this sweet reminder that I never have to do anything, anything alone.

I wrote that paragraph at FriedOkra back on August 25th of this year; it was my first day at home alone with the two children after Peabody arrived. As I scanned my blog’s archives yesterday, I ran across the post and stopped to read it, thinking surely I’d find in it some comforting sign that as both kids get older, day by day, and as I get more experienced at dual motherhood, I’m getting better and better at it and life is getting easier and running more smoothly day by day.

That’s not what I got though.

What I got was a bit of a (gentle) smack in the face. A reality check. A bolt of lightening upside my noggin. That woman? The one who wrote that paragraph up there? Oh, she was infinitely wiser and better at my job than am I.

Because in months that ensued after I wrote that I’ve lost my mind. Oops, I mean I’ve lost my way.

I started out those days in late August aware of my frailties, leaning on God for His strength and grace. I knew and humbly accepted that I needed His help, that I wouldn’t last a DAY without His mercy. In fact, in reading that whole post back to myself now, I feel as if the woman who wrote it JOYFULLY CELEBRATED her reliance on Jesus to make it through a single 12-hour day alone with her two children.

JOYFULLY CELEBRATED IT! Du-u-ude, those must’ve been some AWESOMELY far-out hormones I was hopped up on back then. Because now? Now, instead of all that peace and patience and love aplenty, I’m spending my days BEATING MYSELF UP for the long list of (probably unnecessary) tasks I don’t complete, WORRYING far off into the future about things I don’t have any control over right now, and RESENTING my seeming ineptitude to fulfill my responsibilities as a mother and wife. Jesus, having been packed off back to Heaven, is now left completely out of my equation. I am “back in control” now and I’m tripping and falling and failing and in the process buying myself and everyone around me a first class ticket to Misery Town.

And there’s very little joyful celebration of anything in Misery Town, as you can imagine.

Mama wants her joy back. Mama wants that peace. That patience. That open, humble reliance on her Maker to sustain her when the downstairs toilet’s backing up and the baby’s screaming his little lungs out and the rice on the stove has boiled itself over and into a sticky, burned-up disaster for the second time tonight.

I just don’t want to go another DAY feeling how I feel now when I could instead be feeling the way I felt back then, when I was okay with being weak and knew Who to turn to for strength.

Isaiah 40:11 promises:

[The Sovereign Lord] tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

Time for me to get down off my “I can do it all myself, perfectly, oh yes I can gosh darn it!” kick and to trot back, head down, to my Shepherd and wait for His gentle guidance. This trying to wrestle control from where it belongs has been a weakness of mine my whole adult life. Thing is, until recently, it was only ME who suffered when I tried to do everything myself and inevitably botched the job.

Now I have my family to consider, and they are much too precious to put in anyone else’s hands than God’s. Not even my own.

Find Megan blogging at FriedOkra.

15 Responses to Nine O’Clock and All is Not Well, But It Will Be
  1. Kelly
    November 10, 2008 | 12:34 am

    Yes. Yes. And yes again.

    I’m there with you, sister. Sometimes, we need to take a step back and refocus our mind’s eye on “the author and perfecter of our faith.” Hebrews 12 goes on to say, “Consider him, who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will NOT GROW WEARY AND LOST HEART.” That’s one of the toughest struggles of parenthood right there.

  2. Cassie
    November 10, 2008 | 1:12 am

    I totally understand where you are coming from! great post! dont forget everyone needs a little time for themselves!

  3. Melissa
    November 10, 2008 | 3:03 am

    I think we tend to hide behind our sense of humor sometimes, and it turns out that it’s a pretty thin veil that doesn’t hide the truth very well. (
    At least for me!)
    “…He gently leads those that have young.” I think the word that struck me was gently. He’s not yelling at me to slow down, get my priorities in order, stop worrying, etc. He’s gently leading me to do those things. I just have to quit being so dadgum busy and hear his sweet voice. And feel his peaceful presence.
    I’m praying that you’ll feel gathered in His arms today.

  4. Louise
    November 10, 2008 | 8:19 am

    Thank you for the reminder! I will be having two little ones (under the age of two!) myself come this June, and I’m already starting to panic, wondering how on earth I will manage. I need that kick in the pants to remind me that I never can “do it” by myself, no matter how many children I have or what I am doing–I always, always need to rely on God’s grace and strength. Thank you!

  5. Kimberly
    November 10, 2008 | 8:49 am




    What a good reminder. Why is it that relying on God is sooooo hard for us?

  6. Courtney
    November 10, 2008 | 9:23 am

    I know exactly how you feel. WHen we take it all on ourselves to do we ultimatly fail or end up miserable trying. God helps us to be strong and happy with what we do accomplish. Thanks for this post i think it is a great reminder!

  7. Heather
    November 10, 2008 | 12:27 pm

    Thank you so much for this post. I needed this not so subtle reminder today as I am feeling totally inept this morning. It is good to remmeber that it is not my abilities I should be focusing on, but God’s.

  8. Anna K.
    November 10, 2008 | 12:43 pm

    And the people said, “Amen!”

    I have the knack for doing the same thing…start off with great intentions (and whole-heartedly mean them) and then slowly, but surely pack God away in a little box. I’m still workin’ on some trust issues!

    Thank you for being so honest, Megan. I needed to read this. Especially since I’m pregnant with our second child and am already wonderin’ how I’m gonna juggle it all!

  9. Kristi Miller
    November 10, 2008 | 4:35 pm

    I love your last sentence (or two) that says your family is much too precious to put in anyone else’s hands! So many of us can relate to the feelings you have expressed here. Thank you for sharing!

  10. Carrie of Ceaseless Praises
    November 10, 2008 | 9:27 pm

    I so needed to hear this tonight- I only have one, but I’m recovering from the flu, and I get so frustrated about not getting everything done when I should be depending on God and praying for each day & cherishing every moment! Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  11. Hannah
    November 10, 2008 | 11:40 pm

    All I have to say is, Amen!!

  12. Blessed
    November 11, 2008 | 8:51 am

    A great reminder for all of us – especially me, with God all things are possible, without… well that’s when life becomes a disaster!

  13. At A Hen's Pace
    November 16, 2008 | 7:22 pm


    So well said!!!

    I struggle with the same kind of self-reliance–
    always have. I have found parenting to be such a humbling lesson in teaching and reminding me how much I need Him!


  14. jen
    November 17, 2008 | 11:00 pm

    Great post! I’m late to the party but oh, so glad I came…as I’ve been wearing my “I can do it” hat a bit too much lately too!

  15. Para Ma
    April 14, 2012 | 5:27 pm


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